United Phone Losers
issue no. 21 - August 14, 2000
this issue edited by linear

in this issue

Written by linear

Apologies for how late this issue is. But with Defcon, my trip to Hawaii, and my procrastination, it almost had to come out this late. So this issue is for both July and August, but by next month we'll be back on track with our normal issue-a-month goal, hopfully. This issue is mainly Defcon stuff, but maybe you'll find some other interesting stuff in here for you. Yet another three more articles by Jolly Spamhead. The guy just won't stop. But all in all, this is a terrible issue and you should stop reading right now! Go! Save yourself!

--- linear

We Came, We Saw, We Were Escorted Out - linear's Review of DEFCON8
Written by linear

There I was. Friday, 11:59, and I was in Summer School. Dammit! If it wasn't for my dumbass failing Algebra (yea, i failed Algebra. Shut up.) i could have left Thursday and been partying at Defcon by now! Ah finally, 12:00 hits and my ass is out of there. I go home to get my shit together, and then it's over to Tuttle's. I pick him up at about 12:30, say bye to his dog, and we're on our way.

Ah, Las Vegas. At temperatures of 112 degrees and up, it's not the ideal place for a convention held in the middle of the Summer. But I guess it's not up to me. We check into our hotel room, a pretty shitty place, and go out looking for Alexis Park, home of Defcon2000. It wasn't hard to find, we just had to follow the trail of pasty white kids with cool hair. As we walk our way through the pool area, Tuttle notices a guy wearing a Phone Losers of America shirt and points him out to me. I recognize him as el_jefe (zak) from PLA fame. I decided that if it was that easy to spot el_jefe, finding rbcp would be a breeze, and don't bother asking el_jefe about him. el_jefe has no idea who I am anyway. That was a mistake.

We pay our $50 each and get our official Defcon passes. Oh how I wish I still had my pass so i could scan it and show you all my neato name on the super-cool Defcon pass. But unfortunately, it will never be seen again (I'll get to this later). Now that we're in, we should find rbcp. We look, and we look, and we look. He's no where to be found. But we did run into Jc and StrLit (his girlfriend) in the "Haxor Speaking Room". He was a dumbass though. He didn't want to do anything cool. He stayed for a few speeches and then left for the day. What a jackass. After watching some speaches we decide to wander around the place. The rave room was cool, but pretty empty, The Capture The Flag/People Sitting Behind Tables Selling Their Shit™ room was the happening place to be so it seems. We hung out in there and bought a few things, then on our way out I ran into Short Circuit. I had never seen the guy before, had no idea what he looked like, but for some reason I knew instantly it was him. He has a certain aura to him I guess. We talk to him about Noam Chomsky, Zines, Abbie Hoffman, and what-not for a while and get some food. On are way through the convention, we get a discussion going about Linux, BSD, and BeOS with some guys sitting at a table. One of them is burning a bunch of CDs (anything you asked for, he could get it) for everyone. I start talking to him and request a few CDs, and look down at his pass to see what his name was. It was LiNERR0R! I had talked to this guy a few times in the PLA Discussion list, and always hated how everyone confused the two of us because our handles are so similar. We talk about that for a while and kinda hangout. Then 11:00 rolls around and it's time to watch Hacker Jeopardy. Some guys from attrition.org made up one of the teams. All throughout the show I was yelling out things like "attrition sucks!" and booing them, even though I actually like attrtion. I had the idea of throwing the cup of water I had on one of their faces, but it was just a joke. Then we realize it would be cool to do a prank like that, and we remember that Cult of the Dead Cow would be speaking the next day. If there was a prank to be done, surely, these are the people to do it to. We would silly string cDc during their speech on saturday! The plan was made.

At 3:00 the convention was pretty much dead, so we gave Short Circuit a ride to his hotel, and me and Tuttle stopped to get breakfast at Denny's or some such similar place. The food sucked, and we were tired. We went to the hotel and crashed.

After little sleep, we were at Subway to get a bite to eat. After That we drove all around Las Vegas looking for a place that sold Silly String. After finally finding some at a Wal*Mart, we bought four cans and headed to the convention. The anticipation was terrible. It would be a few hours before cDc was to speak. We watched a few other speakers give insanely boring speeches on such dull topics as spoofing IPs in Linux and what not. Finally, we found ourselves frontrow of the cDc speech.

"We already know there is no way we can beat last year's show, so we're not even going to try. So this should be rather uneventfull"

And then two losers pop up and spray down the cDc with Silly String. We run for the doors, only to be stopped by Security, kicked out of the convention, and stripped of our Defcon passes. We hung around the pool area (this was not an official part of the convention so we couldn't be kicked out of there) until the speech was over. Short Circuit (who got to stay since he refused to help us out, the bastard) told us that the cDc told everyone that they payed us to do it once we were kicked out. Damn. Then I saw Death Veggie of cDc walking are way and asked him where my payment was. He just kinda smiled and said, "come with me guys".

So we followed. I wasn't too sure if he was pissed or not, until he started saying how cool it was that we did that! He took us back to the cDc room at the convention and he gave us cDc embroided patches and some COLAVision.com shirts (?) and all the other guys there told us how cool it was and how unexpected and all. Then they asked if we wanted to sign the "Cult of the Dead Cow Bible". It was crazy, cDc, a group that's never ceased to amaze or inspire me, was telling ME that I was cool, and asking ME to sign the cDc Bible! We took a few pictures with them and left.

We never got our passes back, but did manage to sneak into the convention. As Tuttle and SC hung out around LiNERR0R, I decided to walk into the Capture The Flag room. Some guy noticed I was wearing a PLA shirt and offered me some free PLA stickers. I looked at him and recognized that he was Logic Box of System Failure (retired PLA-influenced zine) and friend of rbcp!

"Logic Box?"
"I'm linear!"
"whoa! rbcp has been looking for you all day!"

He leads me to rbcp, and I get to meet the father of all things Phoneloser for the first time. We talk for a while and I take him over to Tuttle, SC, and LiNERR0R. We all hang out for a little bit and get pictures of rbcp and Logic with that weirdo Carolyn Meinel of HappyHacker.org, just because she's dumb.

We didn't get to hang out long with rbcp because me and Tuttle had to leave that day (too bad we couldn't stay all three days). We said goodbye and were headed back to boring old Upland, California. And that was that. Soon I should have some pictures of the event posted on the site, so watch for those. See you at DEFCON9!

--- linear 

Hacker Jeopardy, cDc and Silly String: A Newbie's Review of DEFCON8
Written by Harry Tuttle

Day 1: The Journey
Well well well. Where to begin. It all started when linear came to pick me up that fateful Friday afternoon. We started out on the road to Las Vegas at about 12:30, though I can't really remember because it's been a week since Defcon and I've probably forgotten a lot. Anyway after a few hours of Jerky Boys (who suck I might add. rbcp is much better.), Rudimentary Peni, and Noam Chomsky cd's, we were there. Las Vegas in all it's hot and sleezy glory. One especially memorable thing was the sign at our hotel advertising the amazing "XXX Hypnotist." Wow!

The first wonderful thing that happened was when I spilled the remains of linear's strawberry milkshake on my hand. So now it's 112 degrees and I've got sticky milkshake on my hand. Defcon had better be good dammit! We drive around for a while looking for the hotel and then we spot some nerdy people with what look like name tags around their necks walking around. We must be on the right track. So we find the Alexis Park Hotel and pull up. I can imagine what the mainstream media would say (actually I've read some articles and they did say things like this). "Hacker convention full of multi-colored hair, piercings, and laptops." I felt right at home.

On our way over to the main table I hear "Hey Emanuel!" and this guy with a hat and long hair turns around to talk to someone. linear says to me "Hey, that's Emanuel Goldstein...media whore!" Anyway were standing in line to pay and there's some activity next to us. "Hey, I don't care if you ARE speakers and are on in 5 min. You have to get a pass" Hehe, sooo organized. Once we had our passes we went off to check out exactly what was going on. The pool was surrounded by hot and sweaty people (well it was in the 100's) many of them wearing all black. Only a few were swimming. Then we realized we should also be looking for rbcp because he should be here. Were about to go back in and I see a guy with a PLA shirt on but we don't ask him if he's seen rbcp. Damn. Once inside we see dozens of people with their lap tops plugged into the walls. We have to watch our step as we creep down the hall. Since we have no idea where we are going - we open the first door. Wow, full of even more nerdy people with computers (well that is the point of defcon). Tables were set up around the walls of the room while capture the flag (trying to hack into the other guys computer without getting hacked yourself) took place in the middle. Lock picking booths, subversive literature like _How to Steal an Identity_ and _How to Break and Enter_. The room next door had a speaker talking about how to get your privacy back from corporations by making a new identity. His name was John Q. Newman and I took notes and ended up buying one of his books.

A little farther down the hall was the ‘rave' room. Now when I think of raves, although I've never been to one, I think of drug induced orgies of loud techno and chaos. This had the loud techno but hardly anyone was in there. Except for the few hardcore guys who knew how to dance with glow sticks most people just stood around. I guess people don't come to Defcon for the music.

Well at about 11:00 Hacker Jeopardy started. I knew some of the questions. The ones that didn't have anything to do with hacking. The way it went was that whenever someone got a question wrong they had to drink a cup of beer. Another plus was that the Vanna White role was filled by Bad Kitty from badkittycam.com. Every time a contestant got a "daily double" right they got to take off an article of kitty's clothing. Unfortunatly there were only 4 daily doubles that night and the people from attrition.org got one wrong. So linear had the idea of throwing water in their faces. Actually he had that idea before they messed up the daily double. So we started thinking about a prank like that. Then linear though "hey, Cult of the Dead Cow is talking tomorrow, they're a lot more well known then attrition. Lets do something to them.....Something like silly string....hmmmm." So the idea was born, we were going to silly string cDc.

Day 2.
After about 5 hours of sleep we were up, out the door, and on a journey for silly sting. Finaly after about 3 stores Wall Mart had some. Once we got to Defcon we began plotting our prank. We thought that we would probably get kicked out but we had to leave that day anyway. Also, there was going to be the media there and we could get publicity for our site so it would be worth it. cDc was gonna talk at 2:00 in the Haxor room so we went in there at 1:40. It was packed. Once that speaker was done they told everyone to get out so they could set up. Fuck, now what are we going to do. I know, lets just walk around like we are leaving but not actually leave. So we made are way up to the floor right in front of the stage. By that time they stopped caring if people left. It was perfect, we were as close as we could get. We saw this lady who was with the media who had wanted ideas for pranks from us last night. So we told her what we were going to do and she filmed us while we discussed the plan. The guys who were setting up kept saying "if you guys are going to sit here you have to be ready to get wet." We also heard that cDc threw blood into the crowd at H2K and that they have pyrotechnics. By that time silly string didn't seem like a big deal anymore. But it still had to happen. So then they start coming up and sit down. One of the guys says "we can't beat last time so we won't even try, this will be uneventful." Right after he said that we jumped up shook the bottles and sprayed them with two bottles each. Then I took a hand full of UPL cards(who's the media whores now? We are!!!) and threw it into the crowd of media people. We made a run for the door and were stopped by some lady. "Hey, shouldn't you be kicking us out? Why are you stopping us?....Aren't you part of the show?....No....hey, you should get us out of here....Don't worry, we will...you're out of the convention...Get these guys out of here" So we were escorted out of the room and had to give up our badges near the pool. We went inside the lobby because it had a tv showing what cDc was talking about. One of them was pulling pink silly sting out of his hair. We were saying stuff like "wow, we did it...look at them....cool" This guy behind us probably figured out that we had done it and wasn't very impressed. "Whatever" he said. Then we went to the door to see if cDc was gonna come out. Short Circuit (who was carrying a broken laptop that a guy in a gurilla suit had thrown on the floor. There were also guys in Grim reaper suits throwing fake meat into the crowd) told us that they said they paid us to do it. There was this guy who was covered with fake blood walking out. Now I'm kina glad we left the room. So when one of them came out we asked for out money. He said he would give us some stuff. So we talked with him (his name was Death Veggie) and he gave us cDc patches, a shirt and had us sign the cDc bible. I can't believe it, they wanted OUR signature. They were really cool and thanked us for spraying them. Later we would stop by and ask if they knew where our Passes were. Apparently Count Zero from cDc had them but he disappeared. So no souvenirs for us. Then we snuck back into the convention a few times to talk to LiNERR0R and kept getting kicked out. But the security guards were cool. Everyone was cool, except that lady who kicked us out. She was the only lame one there. We brought out our red boxes and tried them on the phones. LiNERR0R whipped out his kick ass custom lineman's hand set and tired to beige box the wall because one of the payphones was ripped out (and some urinals were taken out because they were filled with cement...hehe). As all of this was going on I noticed that this guy kept staring at us. I had seen him earlier, he always kept to himself and didn't talk, just worked on his lap top. We thought he might be a fed. I was a little scared so I deleted the red box tones on my recorded. I asked LiNERR0R if he knew the guy. He didn't but said the guy asked him for something, something hacker related, so he was probably cool. Phew. Then it was time for linear to call his dad at the hotel to pick us up. He kept calling and calling but no one picked up. Finally I saw his dad at the other side of the room looking at us and snickering. He motioned to not let linear know he was there. But finally I told him. His dad had been doing pranks on us the whole time, too. Damn Him. Well wondrous Defcon was over for us. The next day I was on the net looking for articles on Defcon that mentioned us. None. God damn it. Oh well the prank was still fun. But this guy we met did have an article all about him with his picture so that was cool. So here's the review part. It was cool. You should go. Yah. What a shitty article. Now you know that you should never read an article with the word "newbie" in the title.

--- Harry Tuttle

[note from linear: hrm, i think tuttle totally remembered things incorrectly and out of chronilogical order. Most the stuff he described happening on the second day (aside from all the cDc stuff) happened on the first day, at least that's how I remember it. Well, read my review. ]

This Thing Called Defcon - rbcp's Review of DEFCON8
Written by RedBoxChiliPepper

So I went to this thing called DefCon and now I'm going to write about it. We were stupid enough to book our flights with PriceLine.com which got us better rates but really crappy flight times and days. My flight left Illinois at 10:30pm on Thursday night and arrived at 1:00am Friday morning.

LogicBox was supposed to meet me at the airport but he was 20 minutes late so I ended up leaving with these two old people who were there. Well, actually they were my parents. See, I had never met them before and this DefCon was my first time ever meeting them (long story). So I'm proud to say that I'm probably the only person who's ever met their parents for the first time at a hacker conference.

I arrived at the Alexis Park Hotel on Friday morning and was lucky enough to get there before the registration line started wrapping itself around the hotel. I paid my money, got my badge and walked around in the lobby. I walked 2 full circles around the sitting area. Then I ventured outside and walked up to the pool. It got hot so I walked back inside for awhile and got a Coke for the low low price of $2.00, tax included. Then I walked around the eating area in circles and back into the lobby. I walked over to the pay phones and slapped some PLA stickers on the phones. Then I walked around the lobby some more for a few minutes. Much later I walked out the front doors and discovered that I could hang a right, walk along the side of the building and get into the lobby through the side doors or from the pool area. So I did this a few times and then did it again in reverse. Then I walked around the pool area, through the courtyard and to another pool, around that pool and turned around, then repeated the process. From there I walked a few more circles in the hotel lobby. This is where I started to get kind of bored. I walked up to a guy standing by a wall.

"Hi, are you here for Defcon?," I asked.



I walked back down the hall towards registration so I could walk around the registration lines and see if I knew anybody and a DefCon Goon was like, "You can't go in there!" and I said "It's okay, I'm RBCP!!" and he threatened to take away my badge and throw me out. So I had no choice but to go down the street to Subway and have something to eat. I got a footlong sandwhich on white bread, turkey, lettuce and mayo and a large Pepsi. It was really good. On the way back some nerdy kid beat me up for looking stupid. That really sucked but only lasted for a few minutes because I pretended to be unconscience.

I went back to the hotel and made a bunch of phone calls to people who were supposed to be there but none of them answered their phones. After sitting around in the lobby for awhile, The Public and Nekid Amy approached. We walked around for awhile, went up to his room and I got to meet Zens who I hadn't heard from for awhile. Just an hour or so later I got a call from LogicBox who told me to come into the con room and find their table. Funny, because I'd already passed by his table a few times and had a look at the shirts they were selling but I guess we didn't notice each other. I went up to the table and stared him down until he said, "Oh, hi!"

Pesto was there and broke into tears and started telling me how much he loved me and how cool I was and stuff. Then he jumped up onto a table and started dancing for me and that's when I left the con room forever. Okay well, that didn't really happen. Awhile later I met up with el_jefe and Apok0lyps and I walked around with el_jefe for awhile and finally told him that he was really boring and I was going to go find someone else to hang out with.

That night we geared up for a huge party in barkode's room! We got all kinds of booze and black lights and a big-ass sound system. Then el_jefe came in and started dancing this scary jig in front of me and soon after that some dude's girlfriend puked all over the floor. Just as things were getting crazy I noticed that it was after 10:00pm which is way past my usual bedtime so LogicBox said I could stay on his floor at the Excalibur so I went there and went to sleep, however I DID stay up to nearly 11:00pm watching dumb 80's movies. Man I'm nuts sometimes.

Throughout the weekend, me and Logicbox caused as much trouble as we could on the FRS frequencies. The FCC thought these channels would be used by a few family members at a time to keep in touch at the malls or while camping or whatever. I bet they never thought that a few thousand hackers would all be using the same channel at once. This made for some interesting conversations with people we didn't know. We kept yelling at everyone to get the hell off OUR channel. They would yell back that it was THEIR channel. We would tell them that we bought the channel from the FCC just last week and we had the receipt to prove it. They would start yelling obscenities and playing tones at us. It was like being on a conf. only on a much larger scale.

We also yelled at girls when they came on the channel, told them that girls didn't know how to use radios, girls belong in the kitchen and not at hacker cons, girls shouldn't be wasting time on the radio when they could be pleasing a man. Needless to say, the girls didn't think this was very funny.

Hmm, so that's about it for my DefCon experience. I finally got to meet linear but it took so long to find him that by the time we met it was almost time for him to leave. Damn you, linear! By the time you read this review I should have my DefCon pictures up so visit my home page at www.phonelosers.org/rbcp and follow the links.

--- RBCP

Written by Rufus T. Firefly

Yes! HOPE 2k. 2600 Magazine's very own hacker con. Running from Friday, July 14, through Sunday, July 16. The east coast's answer to Defcon. It was easy for me to get there, what with living an hour away from the city (New York,) and since I'm the only UPL guy out here I was representin' on my own. And represent I did..

Okay, I was looking forward to H2K for months. I had never actually gotten up off my ass and went to one of these before so I wasn't sure what to expect, but I knew that if nothing else, I wouldn't miss a minute of it.

So, of course I overslept by about 4 hours.

At any rate, I got there at around noon on Friday. The con was at the HOtel PEnnsylvania, right across the street from Penn Station. (Nostalgic types note: this is the place you get if you dial PEnnsylvania 6-5000, in the 212 AC.) I had been planning to meet up with some of my pals from the NYC 2600 meetings, but I didn't recognize anyone right away so I went straight in.

There were 3 different tracks of panels and events, so I took in a couple. Soon I bumped into my pals Compudroid, Nitephreak, and Zenostrifer, and we milled around a bit.

In addition to the panels there was a terminal room with a bunch of dumb terminals running on a T3 line round the clock, a combination network room and flea market where everything from t-shirts to stickers to security stuff were being sold, as well as an impressively jury-rigged network containing just about one of each kind of computer made since 1982, and a big conference room where the movies and such would be shown, as well as some panels, and music and DJs when nothing else was going on.

At this point, my pals and I were sitting in the big conference room while they were setting up some lighting and DJ equipment, and we became really interested on what was on the magnetic stripe that was on all our H2K badges. Bizarrely, nobody at the con had a magstripe reader, so Compu and Zeno acquired an armload of parts from Radio Shock and set about building a piece of broken equipment to try and read something off the stripe. Later, we were in an elevator with well-known previously incarcerated hacker Bernie S. Upon hearing that we were interested in the stripes, and had just expended a chunk of spare time and energy trying to get something together to read it, he calmly replied, "Oh, there's nothing on them." How did he know, we aksed? "I made them." Grrr...

Around this time we met DeadRinger, a cool fellow with fangs who happens to live in the same town as me. Small world! DeadRinger, it turned out, had actually sprung for a hotel room at the Pennsylvania. (I hadn't taken a room, planning instead to hop a train home and back when necessary.) So we hung out there for a while, playing with his scanners and his big souped-up Beige box he installed in a plastic toolbox.

Later, I broke off from the group to take in some air (they all smoke, I don't) and some more panels. I met up with my pals Gonzo and Simon Magnus, and later my pal Sergey. Soon, we lost Simon, who had to split for some reason, and Sergey hadn't arrived in time to register so he had to investigate a way to get a pass (he didn't sneak in at all, no sir) so Gonzo and I hung around on line for 2600's film premiere, Freedom Downtime.

This premiere will live in infamy in the scene for many years to come. After the big room was filled to capacity, the line was diverted to another, smaller conference room where panels had taken place. It took something like an hour for them to get the movie started, since they were having trouble getting the patch through to the other suite. Spirits were high regardless, and random songs and shadow puppets broke out occasionally during the wait. I snapped a cool photo of a big movie screen showing taskbars and error messages. It didn't come out that great, though.

And then there's this movie... to say it kicked ass wouldn't begin to do it justice. For those who don't know, it's a documentary 2600 has been making for the past 3 years or so on the high-profile hacker cases involving Bernie S. and Kevin Mitnick, as well as just hacker-dom in general. For info, hit http://freedomdowntime.com as I just don't have room to satisfactorily go into it here..

After the flick, Gonzo, Sergey, and I went for some fine dining at Chez McDonalds, and we split up for the night. I hung around out front for a while. (The con pretty much owned the sidewalk in front of the Pennsylvania for the duration, with all us weirdos hanging out and scaring the locals. This is where I gave away most of my UPL business cards.) Then I went to the terminal room, the idea being that instead of hanging out at home on Friday like a loser and IRCing all night, I could go to a once-every-few-years social event, filled with hundreds of people who share my interests, and IRC all night. I then retired to the big room, where the lights were low, a DJ was bustin' out a killer mp3 playlist, thin stage smoke hung in the air, and Winamp dominated the big screen. A few ravers were curling around the screen and swinging phosphorescent tubes. I might have joined them, but I was sure I'd somehow make waving my arms around in front of my face and curling in odd directions whilst swinging snap-n-glo sticks on strings just look stupid. So, I stretched across some chairs and turned in for the night. I have always prided myself on my ability to sleep in any position, under any conditions. Some huge speakers and a flickering Winamp skin two rows away were no match for me, but the next morning nobody would believe I didn't have chemical help.

After waking up around 8am in a nearly abandoned conference room, I wandered around for a bit, brushed my teeth in the men's room (with a toothbrush I grabbed earlier and snapped in half so I could keep it in my vest pocket, phear me. Of COURSE you wanted to know that.) I ended up back at DeadRinger's room for a bit, where Compu, Niters, and Zeno had crashed (and I mean crashed.) DeadRinger and the guys in the next room over were hanging out in the single room created when Compu, from what I gathered, had busted down the connecting door in a Jackie Chan inspired moment. (Why he felt the need to do this I'll never know, since there were only males in the next room.) Most of the combined residents of the two rooms were asleep save for me, DeadRinger, and Compu, and we threw stuff out the window and watched that action series with Hulk Hogan and some infomercials for a bit (DeadRinger's a big infomercial fan. I liked the one with the weight-loss guy who classifies overweight people into shapes. "You, lady, are a classic 'spoon,' while this guy is a 'funnel.'") I grabbed another hour of sleep on the floor, since everyone else passed out.

That was the last I saw of DeadRinger, Compu, Zeno, and Nitephreak as they were kicked out the next day, reportedly for throwing stuff out the window. That's their story and they're sticking with it.

After waking up I went upstairs to the conference room, met up with Gonzo, and we caught the "Old Timers" panel, featuring Captain Crunch and The Cheshire Catalyst. This was easily one of my favorite panels, and I had a flashback or two to the days of BBSing and PKZIPing text files under minimum compression to tweak my upload ratio. Crunch and Cheshire couldn't have been cooler. Later (or was it the next day? I forgotted) Cheshire even posed for a picture with me, which is cool for me but isn't saying much for him. He then took one of my business cards, which says even less for him.

Later, we went to see keynote speaker and former Dead Kennedy Jello Biafra. This was in the big conference room, and again we had to wait a while as Jello was late. The room once again filled to capacity, and they once again ran a link to the other panel room to compensate. In fact, the room was so full I wondered if there would still be room for Jello. (Fill the rest of the joke in yourself.)

He finally arrived after regular crowd-pacifying announcements ("Jello is in traffic." / "Jello is around the corner." / "Jello is in the elevator." / etc.) Still, spirits were high, and so were some of the attendants. Jello gave a pretty good speech, about current legal crap, politics, copyright law, free speech, and all that kind of goings-on. It was definitely worth it.

Some time later, Sergey found a P-touch labelmaker in the terminal room, and we started playing with it. I printed up a sticker proclaiming "RTF is a jackass" and burned some film in my disposable by snapping photos of this sticker on various things around the hotel until the adhesive wore off. I tried to get a civilian lady in an elevator to hold it up for a photo, to which she and her guy laughed and replied in perfect Ebonics, "Y'all ain't from New Yoke, is you?"

After returning to Le Chateau du McDonald for a light lunch, and hanging out chatting to random people about random stupidity (real-life IRC!) Gonzo, Simon, Sergey and I headed back to the big room for the Cult of the Dead Cow extavaganza. The place was definitely overpopulated, and it was all in the big room (which wasn't quite big enough, so they drew back the folding elementary-school-gym partition that separated the network room from the big room so the audience coul bleed farther back, standing on chairs and tables and ATX minitowers.) The crowd was too much for my pals, but I persisted, since it was cDc, dammit! It started with a perfectly respectable playlet adaptation of Romeo and Juliet involving cows, aliens, anal rape, and two girls in lingerie (a surefire hit in any roomful of computer geeks,) went on to a discussion by BO2K author Dildog to the effect of "Stop asking me for BO support, I have better things to do so I set up a discussion board somewhere to keep you all busy, and stop asking me how to get someone's IP from their ICQ number," and descended into a cheezy lip-synched rap thing. But hey, I got two of the stickers that they chucked into the audience, so phear me.

Later, in the network room, Bernie S. drew H2K badge numbers out of a hat for a few radio things. By the time the grand prize of some sort of $300 pirate radio station thing came up, a crowd of anxious folk were gathered around Bernie, nervously grasping their badges. Simon and Gonzo just happened to wander toward the drawing when Bernie called the grand prize number, and it was Gonzo's. "I shit you not," he proclaimed. And is he into pirate radio at all? "I am now," said he.

One adventure I had twice during the course of the con involved the hotel staircase. Most of the con was happening on the 18th floor. The top floor. And there were so many hackers coming and going in a constant stream that the elevator cars were almost always filled to capacity whenever a panel or event was starting or ending. This overcrowding sets of a grating alarm whenever the weight limit is breached, which was every single trip. So me and my pals chose on two occasions to take the stairs to the grond floor. Down eighteen floors. This must have seemed like a good idea at the time... er, times... but my calves still won't speak to me for this. Owch.

That night I went home, emailed a bit, and slept in my own bed. Just for the occasion, though, I put my speakers up near my bed, stuck on an Information Society disc, and cranked Sonique way up.

Most of this last day was spent hanging out. I only saw one panel, and that was Emmanuel's Social Engineering panel (this time I was in the other room watching the live feed.) The video went out for a bit, but it was still funny as hell listening to Emmanuel call telco security asking about a memo mentioning something called "social engineering" and "what's that all about?" It was also funny when Kevin Mitnick joined the panel via telephone, and a fellow called Rebel (you may have heard him calling in on "Off the Hook" on.. erm.. any episode) asked him how to get unlisted numbers.

At Mickee' le D's later I continued what had become a quick H2K tradition of calmly spending a large amount of the meal with a straw sticking out of my ear. There is truly no place like NYC, as almost nobody ever took notice. I had to resort to going up to random people with this straw sticking out of my ear and politely asking them if they've seen my straw anyplace. Oh well, if nothing else it amused my friends and one elderly Asian lady by the bathroom.

As things were splitting up, I gazed forlornly toward the Hotel in all its splendor, and silently wished I could get together more often with a large group of my fellow phreaks, hackers, and others who share in my interests and get at least half of my jokes. Then I remembered, the 2600 meeting is in a couple weeks.

See you all next time!

(requisite eleet-speak--->) d4 m4d sH0uTz t0: Compudroid, Nitephreak, Zeno, Gonzo, Simon, Sergey, Leo (you should have been there, dammit,) Venadium (you should have been there too, booger! On account of you I had to take my own pictures,) DeadRinger (Spoon-ass!) Seuss (one of these I'll have to not buy you a drink,) the whole nyc2600 crew, those pleasant fellows who hosted the h2k orgy (I did you guys a favor by not going,) that one big scary big large scary huge scary massive guy on the security staff with the "Big Daddy" shirt, the killer DJ who played the InSoc remix, and all you lemurfuckers who went to Defcon without me.

--- Rufus T. Firefly

Destroying Arcades For Fun and Profit
Written by Rufus T. Firefly

Ah, the humble arcade. For some of us hopelessly ancient phonelosers (those of us over, like, 20) the word may bring forth images of darkened, mysterious rooms filled with a vast array of glowing screens, each beckoning you... challenging you. Pac-man... Asteroids... Space Invaders... a simple quarter being the only sacrifice demanded of you... Jesus Christ, I'm old.

Of course, with the wisdom of age I can't help noticing how much arcades have declined over the years. Nowadays, they just suck, plain and simple. Any and all decent arcade games are available in a just-as-good (if not better) version for your home console or PC, and that's if your local arcade has taken enough of an interest to get anything newer than Street Fighter 2 anyway. And let's not forget the prize redemption games, where you need only spend ten dollars on Skee-ball to accumulate enough tickets to get yourself a neato plastic ring worth half a cent.

In this article I will discuss a few ways to even the score.

There are a few ways to scam free stuff from arcades. For free games, the most common and easiest method it to simply go up to an attendant, and say you lost your coin(s) in a game. Most of the time, the attendant will go over to the game, plop in his/her own coins, and there you are. Arcade games that run on coins of any kind jam up or skip coins all the time, so you may well be telling the truth. Or, "accidentally" kick the game's plug out of the wall, and then say you didn't notice it was off before you put in your coins, or that some bastard unplugged it on you. Don't worry about looking like an idiot, since 90% of customers are idiots anyway.

Prize tickets are easily scammed. Most places have a system where you can turn in some tickets, and get back a coupon or a voucher of some sort worth that amount, so you can take it home and save up for the really good cheap shit. Get one of these for any stupid amount. If it's a hand-written form as opposed to an electronically printed receipt, you can bring it home and erase the writing. If you have a really really good printer, you could do some funky scanning and photoshopping to accomplish this. Or, you could go all low-tech and simply use white-out and a xerox. Either way, you should be able to make yourself a perfect blank voucher, assuming you use the right paper. (Ticket counter attendants handle hundreds of these things a day, so they probably WILL notice if it's a different type of paper.)

Now that you have a blank, mimic the handwriting from a genuine one and scribble in any big number you like. (Although for some reason, writing "a million bajillion" never seems to work.) Some places have to get a manager to endorse vouchers worth over a certain amount of tickets before giving them out, so try to find that out as well. Save it for a week or so, and then return to claim your prize. Now you can finally get that three-foot tall sawdust-filled Pikachu doll you've had your eye on! Woo-hoo!

So you've had a little fun at the arcade's expense, now it's time to have FUN at the arcade's expense. Here are a few ideas to get you started...
  • Unplug a game while someone is playing it, preferably when they're on a high level or racking up a high score.
  • Use a small pin to poke holes in the basketballs from the basketball machines. Or, just steal them.
  • Find some of those stupid ticket games where you have to roll rubber handballs down a chute, and steal the balls.
  • Start a skee-ball game, and throw all the balls into the next lane over.
  • Start a skee-ball game, and coat the balls in vaseline before rolling them back in.
  • Steal the balls from the skee-ball lanes, leaving one ball in each. Use them wisely, as stray skee-balls have been known to kill.
  • Put the skee-balls into the basketball games, and the basketballs into the skee-ball games.
  • Bring some apples and oranges, and roll them into the skee-ball games.
  • This one works on the really old yellow and brown skee-ball lanes... If you can get around to the right side of the machine, look where the balls sit in the chute. Feel around underneath, and find the small pin that keeps them sitting there. Pull downward and the balls will roll out for free. You won't score points or anything, but it kills time, and what else is an arcade for?
  • Stick anything you can think of into coin slots. Classics include gum, folded up prize tickets, french fries, sugar packets from the coffee shop, raisins, body parts, etc. Elmers glue can do especially well (it'll dry really fast, since those little lights will warm it up.)
  • After these, try doing the ticket vending slots, so nobody will win their prizes. Boo-hoo.
  • Cheat at whack-a-mole by pressing down repeatedly on the submerged head of one ugly gerbil in its hole for the entire game. It works on older machines, try to get the score up to 999 points so the machine will either freeze up or blow its load of tickets for you.
  • Stick wads of gum on every pedal of every driving game. Next, the seats.
  • When it's really crowded at the ticket counter, bring up a few hundred prize tickets, and spend an hour picking and choosing carefully from the cheap 1-ticket or 5-ticket prizes, changing your mind often.
  • Bring a huge wad of prize tickets to the counter, but don't let the attendant count them. Insist on doing it yourself. Count one by one, really slowly, and lose count often. When (if) you finish, insist on a recount, as you were positive you had more than that.
  • Win a wad of prize tickets, stand out in front of the place, and scalp them.
  • Wait near a popular, visible driving game. When someone sits in the seat, drape a smock over them, fire up your clippers, and start giving him or her a haircut. For a less risky yet more surreal version, use an accomplice who trusts you with hair clippers. I've always wanted to try this one.
  • Play a driving game, and when you crash into something in the game, act like you just crashed in real life. Go flying out of your seat, land screaming on the floor with your leg oddly bent, demand a lawyer, etc.
  • Sneak up quietly behind someone playing Mortal Kombat, and when the defining moment of the battle arrives, shout "FINISH HIM!!!!" in your loudest, best Mortal Kombat voice.
  • Do the above at a game that's nothing like Mortal Kombat, i.e. pinball.
  • Die in some game, then complain to the attendant that the game wasn't fair because everyone was trying to kill you.
  • Wait by a fighting game for a really big scary dude to start playing, then quickly insert your coins and challenge him. Be really obnoxious, getting in his face every time your character lands a successful blow. If you win the game, shout "DUDE, I JUST KICKED YOUR SORRY ASS!!!," "YOU SUCK!!!" etc. at the top of your lungs, and do a victory dance, with a little "Go, me.. go, me.." chant for good measure. Then, ask him what he's gonna do about it. If you lose the game, immediately accuse him of cheating, and demand he buy you a free game to compensate.
  • Do the same as above, but with a sweet little girl instead of the big scary dude. Furthermore, if during the game she lands a successful blow, immediately seek out her parents and complain that their vicious little daughter just hit you.
  • A sharpie marker or a little bit of nail polish remover on a q-tip can make short work of any painted-on game instructions. Try getting rid of certain letters to spell out something naughty.
  • If there are stickers on the games saying how many coins to insert, switch them around. The attendant will soon be hearing it from angry cusomers who were "ripped off" because the coolest, most expensive game in the place didn't start up when they put in their one coin.
  • Shooting games are fun! Using a small screwdriver or similar, scratch the bejeezus out of the lenses in the guns. Or, just stab through the lens, popping it.
  • Most video games have a protective layer of clear plexiglass an inch or so in front of the monitor. Write nasty notes, phone numbers, sexually graphic personal ads, or "http://phonelosers.net" on sheets of paper, and slip them behind the plastic for all to see. Or, use some free horse porn from usenet.
  • If you're with a large group of people, see how many of you can physically pile onto one of those coin-operated kiddie cars at once. Then, start the ride. Listen to the cool screeching noises the little motor makes under stress.
  • Get all the high scores on a game, and arrange it so all the high score table initials spell out one long demonic message. "1...KIL 2...L_Y 3...OUR 4...FAM 5...ILY"
  • Most games have an on-off switch somewhere, and if the attendant isn't smart s/he'll never figure out why the ame isn't working even though it's plugged in. It's usually in the back near where the power cord goes in, sometimes on the top, or underneath the front for pinball.
  • Most arcade games use the same three-holed removable power cord your home computer equipment uses. Need a free spare or three?
  • Here's the only tip involving an easter-egg... If they have the game "Gauntlet Legends" (the original, it's a big ugly purple and yellow machine) then start a game on player 2,the BLUE side. Enter your initials as "NUD," and the password "069." Choose the blue valkyrie as your character. She will show up naked in the game, with black "censored" rectangles over her naughty bits (and, bizarrely, her eyes.) Now, you can act deeply and morally offended and demand to see the manager about the filthy pornographic game. Or, you can just check out her polygons for the duration of the game.
  • (As seen in PLA issue 8) You have a soda with you, don't you? Of course you have. Accidentally pour it into the vents on a game for some cool smoke and sparks. For those curious among you, a normal arcade game can cost anywhere from $500 for an old crappy Tetris or something to $10k or more for the biggest newest hot shit. Even more for a big sit-in game.
  • Spill a soda all over the glass on a pinball machine. For something more permanent, get some glass-etching compound from an art supply shop.
  • Find a game with a small piece of a ticket sticking out. Light it on fire. With luck, the flame will travel along the strip to the five or ten thousand tickets sitting inside the machine. Fire bad!! FIRE BAD!!!!
  • Go into a photo booth. Draw the curtain, and leave some wrinkled porno magazine pages on the seat. For effect, sprinkle the pages and the inside of the booth liberally with a mixture of Jergens hand lotion and water. For even more effect, mix pages from the latest Kids-R-Us clothing catalogue with the porno. The parents will love finding this one!
  • A few of the arcades I've worked at over the years have been the type of place where in addition to the games they have food, rides, birthday parties, and such. In this setup, there are a few more ways to have fun...
  • Sneak into a random birthday party. Eat some free pizza and birthday cake, and hit on the hostess. Then, hit on the party kid's mom. Then, hit on the party kid's friends' moms. Then, hit on the party kid.
  • If they have a stage show with stupid singing robot puppets, remember that all the furry coverings are easily removable in case someone has to repair the animatronics, and furthermore remember that there are precious few things in life more fun than watching a furry mousey or bunny or something sing happy happy songs while half its skin is torn away, revealing its Terminator endoskeleton.
  • I don't think I have to tell you what to do if they send out the jackass in the big furry cartoon character costume. Just remember, you'll have to kick extra-hard due to the padding.
  • However, if for some strange reason you're not inspired to violence when exposed to a big costumed character (who the hell isn't?) a cool alternative is to suddenly look panic-stricken, and shout into the area of the mask the human can see out of that the head is on fire and for chrissake take it off! Watch the kiddies scream in abject terror as their beloved mascot brutally yanks his own head off. (This isn't as far-fetched as it sounds, most of these have cheap electric cooling fans wired inside.)
  • If you're the type to mess with credit fraud, and you have an enemy's credit card info, call the party place and se up a birthday party for 30 - 50 guests. Those things can get seriously expensive. And the funny thing is, the charges for a surprising amount of parties were contested by the cardholder in my time at such a place. Are this many people carding parties for their kids? Yeesh, parents these days..
  • Get into the ball pit. If they won't let you in, sneak in. Then push the other kids around and make them cry, to get revenge on the world for when you were little and some big bully did that to you in the ball pit and made you cry. Who's king of the ball pit now, huh??? WHO!! WHO RULES THE MOTHERFUCKING BALL PIT NOW!!!! .....I need to go lie down.
  • This one is a guaranteed show-stopper if you've got the stomach for it... eat as much ice cream as you can possibly stomach at one time, maybe with some nuts and stuff added. Wait around a while, then take some syrup of ipecac (a first-aid vomit inducer available in pharmacies) immediately before going on a ride. You'll throw quite a respectable gusher, and since all you ate was ice cream it won't be too rough on you. See how many strangers you can hit. This is even more effective if it's a wussy 2 MPH kiddie ride you're on.

Got any more? Mail 'em on up..

--- Rufus T. Firefly

RedBoxing in 2000
Written by hal0

I just thought that I would write up this little text file to clear up some of the rumors I've heard going around about whether redboxing does or doesn't work anymore.

To answer the main question, yes. Redboxing does still work in the year 2000, and I expect it will continue to work for quite a while. I can verify that it does work from first-hand experience. Here are the details I have.

Redboxing only works on Bell phones!!!!! Ninety-nine percent of the emails I get about people complaining that their redbox doesn't work is because they did not try it on a Bell phone. The other one percent was because the phone the person tried it on, while it was a Bell phone, used the uncommon "mic-mute", security. This is where the microphone for the payphone is disabled until money is deposited into the phone. One common way around this is to deposit the initial nickel and then box the rest of the tones as most of the phones will un-mute the mic as soon as a single coin is deposited. They other way around this is to just clearbox the phone instead of redboxing it. However, clearboxing is more difficult and risks completely destroying the phone, so it's best to just find another payphone. So as a rule of thumb, if you try to box a call on a payphone and it doesn't work, TRY A DIFFERENT PHONE!!! Preferably one not within a mile of the one you just tried. Eventually, you WILL find a phone that will work. I haven't paid for a call from a payphone in over 4 years now, and considering my youth, that is a long time.

What type of redbox should you use?
Phreaks have many differing opinions on what type of redbox works the best and provides the best quality, features and ease of use. Many swear by the old, home built completely from scratch design. Still others prefer a modified tone-dialer design. There are even some phreaks out there that use whistles to generate the tones necessary to redbox a call. I have only known one person ever to be able to blow the tones at the right frequency for the right length per tone, but that was one of the coolest damn things I ever saw!!! (thanx red0n3, miss ya) And then there are the new-age phreaks who don't have time to play with hardware and just use a mini cassette or IC recorder to record the tones from a source such as a "phixed" tone-dialer, or a redbox program from the internet (this is the method I use the most and will be covered in detail later). Anyway, the point is there are many many ways of making a redbox, and personally I don't think that any of them work any better than the others, so we'll stick to ease of use, features and reliability for this part of the lesson. And one last note: The features of a home-built redbox are almost, if not, identical to those of a modified tone-dialer, so from now on we will treat them as equal.

Ease of Use, Reliability, and Features
The modified tone dialer and IC recorder definitely come out ahead in this area for two main reasons. 1. Both are capable of holding files with combinations of tones for certain amounts of money. For example, a tone-dialer typically has a number of programmable buttons. These buttons can be used to record a series of tones played in a row. By recording the necessary tones for say, $3.50 into a single file, you save yourself from having to press all those buttons. Plus, with the multiple files, a different file for each of the most common amounts can be made, 1 - 35 cents 2 - $1.00 3 - $3.00, and so on. Most IC recorders have this same ability, but implemented slightly differently. The ICR has the ability to hold a number of different recordings, to get a file for each of the amounts you want you would use a redbox program (or modified dialer) to record the tones for the first amount into the ICR, then you would stop it. To create another file, you just hit the record button again, play the necessary tones, then stop. Most IC recorders will hold a maximum of either 50 or 99 files. This gives the ICR a slight advantage over the tone-dialer, although there are only typically three sets of tones you need.... 35 cents, $1, and $5. Some people just like to get technical and not give the phone too much money, so they make more exact amounts (this also comes in handy for another reason which I will discuss later). Separate files can be made on a cassette recorder also, although its really only one long recording with a gap of silence between each of the "files". This is not reccommended because of the amount of wear put on the cassette, due to fast-forwarding and rewinding so often, degrades the sound quality. I can't say much about the whole whistle-blowing thing, but hey, if you are capable of doing it...blow on phellow phreak!!!! As far as reliability, they are about the same assuming one thing....always have extra batteries around! It sux to be in the middle of nowhere trying to be a safe distance from anything resembling law enforcement, and then running out of batteries for your redbox. In ease of use, it definitely has to be either the tone-dialer or the ICR once again. You just can't beat a one-touch $5 tone sequence that stops automatically when its done.

Which type of Redbox does hal0 use?
I just happen to be fortunate enough to have gotten my hands on a very expensive (about $80), very high-quality ICR. I use the Panasonic RR-QR80 Integrated Circuit Recorder. It has two different folders (not files...folders), each capable of holding 99 files. It has three diferent sound quality settings and in high-quality mode will hold about 35 minutes of audio. Unfortunately, I don't have a damn clue how much it will hold in long-play (lowest quality) because I've never used anything except high-quality. Anyway, I've had this recorder for probably 2 months now and I haven't had one problem with it. Before I had it I used a home-built redbox inherited from a neighbor that was also a phreak. Unfortunately the redbox I had didn't have memory capabilities, so you had to push the buttons a whole bunch of times to get $5 and a long distance call to my girlfriend when I was out of town got pretty frustrating...hehehe. Anyway, my new ICR has 6 files on it:
  • 25 cents
  • 10 cents
  • 5 cents
  • $1
  • $3.50 (it's usually what the operator asks fro when she comes on in the middle of a long distance call...you know "Please insert (amount) for the next five minutes.")
  • $5

Those are the only tones I've ever needed. You may have different preferences, and for most purposes, you don't need the single coin tones unless you make local calls, in which case you can still just record a 35 cents combo and use it.

Tips On Not "Boxing Out" a PP (not getting caught)
First, let me stress that unless you are stupid enough to box a call from the payphone inside of a police station, there is practically NO DANGER in redboxing. I have had reports of groups of phreaks hanging out at the same phone all night and boxing prank calls all over town, and then getting busted. However, these are either just wannabees, or the stupidest muthafuckers I've ever heard of. So, here's some tips:

#1 -Limit the time/frequency of your calls.
This is the most important. The longer the call is, the better a chance of a real operator coming on, and the better the chance she's gonna realize that you are boxing the call. Also, the more calls you make from the same phone in a period of time, the better the chance of the phone being monitored.

#2 - Vary your tones.
NO ONE...I repeat NO ONE walks around with $20 in quarters in their pockets. And it is highly illogical that people even have $5. Operators KNOW THIS. So, don't always use the same tones for the same amount of money. Try using $1 tones that are a combination of all different coins instead of just 4 quarters, etc. using $5 in quarters every time the operator comes on during a long distance call will almost guarrantee that your call will not last more than 10 or 15 minutes...if that.

#3 - Vary the amount of time between tones.
This is the most common reason phreaks get busted. They always record the tones as fast as they can so that they don't have to wait so damn long to get the call through. If an operator comes on and asks for a dollar and you box the tones befroe she can even finish her sentence, your busted. Try recording tones like you are actually having to put the money in the phone, with a different space of time between each tone.

#4 - Avoid/Ignore live operators at all costs.
If at all possible, avoid all live operators, they are the first (and only) line of defense between a phreak and his happiness. If its is not possible to avoid the operator, ignore her or him. I have had many an occasion where I would box the tones in the middle of a long distance call, and the operator would come on and say something like "Try using real money." Or "I don't think so.". I just ignored them and didn't say anything and the phone system automatically let me continue talking (its safer to stay quiet for a few more seconds in case the operator stays on the line a little longer, about 15-20 secs is usually enough). Here's why this works. When the operator comes on to tell you you are caught and you don't say anything, she thinks you've hung up already, so she clicks off the line. However, the phone system knows you haven't hung up and connects your call. The operator must disconnect your call manually to kill it, she just can't hang up. So if you just stay quiet, they will usually just hang up and figure that you thought you were caught and already gave up. This is a life saver sometimes! As a note...sometimes it's a blast to phuck with the operators anyway, so if one comes on, and you're not in the middle of an important call...don't ignore them. My phavorite thing to do is ask them if they want to be a millionaire, and then if they say yes, startplaying quarter tones into the phone over and over until they get pissed and hang up...its hilarious.

#5 - Stay out of site (if possible)
I know I know, it's a bitch to find a payphone out of the public, but look around, they're there. The one I love is at my local Wal-Mart (boy, when I go to Wal-Mart, its one helluva phun philled day!), in the little entrance area where the coke machines and stuff are. Its hidden beside one of the machines and up against a corner on the wall. I can pick up the phone and lean back against the coke machine and be completely out of site. If you can't find a phone out of site, don't worry. Just act like boxing is natural. Walk up to a phone, pick it up and do your stuff. Don't act all nervous and jittery. Don't keep looking around and trying to hide the headset and redbox in front of you. The best way is to hold the phone up to your ear, then put the redbox against it with your other hand, so that it just looks like you're holding the phone with two hands. The cool thing about my ICR is that its about the size of a credit card in length and height, but about a half-inch thick. I can hide it completely in my hand. If someone walks up to you and asks what you're doing, just tell them to mind their phucking business (unless it happens to be law enforcement, then just say you're recording the phone call if you are using an ICR, but if you're using a tone-dialer......"everybody has bad days...hehehe":(

Well. I think I have covered just about everything that I intended to. If you want more redboxing info, just do an internet search and read the older stuff (or visit my site when I get it finished and online), its mostly all still good. Hope this was helpful and appreciated, if not....phuck you, I was bored anyway, so phuck it.

UPDATE: I just got back from a trip to Arkansas (all the way from GA) and am proud to announce that I boxed at least 3 calls from each state along the way...GA(of course), Alabama, Tennessee, Mississippi, and Arkansas. I even managed to find a "female" :) :) :) phreak while boxing a call inside a Waffle House in Arkansas (unfortunately I was calling my girlfriend, but hey, it was a rare find anyway). Thought everyone would like to know. Keep it up and stay PHREE!!! :)hal0

Have Phun and Happy Phreaking,
--- hal0

[note from linear: last thing I'll ever publish about stupid red boxing stuff! I swear! really!]

Top Ten Signs Your Son/Daughter is a Phone Loser
Written by Phractal

10) AT&T calls you and demands $80,000 for fraudulent teleconferences.

9) His/Her 'science project' involves midnight adventures climbing up telephone poles.

8) You now get the premium channels, when you didn't order them, and don't recieve bills for them.

7) There is a fiber-optic line from his/her local school going directly into his/her computer.

6) You recieve mail that is addressed to Roy Gerbil.

5) You hear *67 automatically being dialed whenever you pick up the phone.

4) He/She insists that BlueBeep is a game that is the latest fad, and everyone plays it.

3) Your local phone company calls and asks why last night, there was over 800 calls placed in less than 1 minute.

2) You find a magazine that has a National Geographic cover, and then, inside it has a pornographic cover, but it's actual contents are logs of harrassing calls to some poor sap named Dino Allsman.

1) Your son/daughter prefers going to the local payphone at 3 am with their 486 laptop, and signing on to the internet under some operating system you've never heard of, instead of using AOL at home with a cup of warm coco.

--- Phractal 

Grand Theft Auto 2 Explosion Overflow Expoit
Written by Phractal

I really don't advocate this activity, becuase it's cool like the first time you do it, but you become an annoying person when you continually do it. OK, here's how the ultra-lame0 exploit works.

You need to have a copy of Grand Theft Auto 2 and start playing with people over the internet. What you do is get away from everyone else in the game, so they won't disturb you. You crash into a few cars, and form a fence made out of cars to block oncoming traffic. As you do this, a multi-car pileup is created. Make this pileup as large as possible. Ok, now get some weapon, and blow up one car in the pile up. What will happen is that, all of the cars will catch ablaze and blow up themselves, making a huge large explosion. Too big for many computers, so big, that it will result in two things if you or someone else playing has 32 MB or RAM or less. One thing that will happen is the computer will simply freeze, and they will be forced to reboot. Another thing that will happen is the game will overflow and dump you to a "this program has preformed an illegal operation" error and the game dies. Either way, the player gets ticked off, especially becuase Grand Theft Auto's only allows you to save games in only a few places.

Do this to piss off someone playing over the internet, just make sure you have over 32 MB of RAM, unless you want to have your GTA game 0wned as well

--- Phractal

Simple Port DoS Attacks
Written by Jolly Spamhead

Denial of Service (DOS) is simply rendering a service offered by a workstation or server unavailable to others. The most common is an OOB attack, which is fairly simple and basically involves sending an out-of-band message to a winblows operating system. Port 139 is typically used, and WinNT's Service Pack 3 included a patch for this, although it is apparently possible to get around this with a little manipulation of the source code.

Another simple attack involves a telnet to port 53, 135, or 1031, and then typing in about 10 or so characters and hitting enter. If DNS (port) 53 is running, DNS will stop. If port 135 answers, the CPU utilization will increase to 100%, slowing performance or knocking it out. And if you hit port 1031, IIS will be knocked down, hanging or effectively slowing the server in such a way as to render it useless. Typically the only fix is to reboot the system. So use ostrosoft tools to scan for these ports.....

Remember, having and using programs does not make you a "hacker", studying operating systems and learning how to manipulate them is the only way you can ever really consider yourself a "Zer0cool" hacker (if that's what you want to be in the first place I guess).

--- Jolly Spamhead

Internet Port List
Written by Jolly Spamhead

Here's a list of ports I compiled one may find useful to scan for with ostrosoft internet tools.

    0/tcp Reserved
    0/udp Reserved
    tcpmux 1/tcp TCP Port Service Multiplexer
    compressnet 2/tcp Management Utility
    compressnet 3/tcp Compression Process
    rje 5/tcp Remote Job Entry
    echo 7/tcp Echo
    echo 7/udp Echo
    discard 9/tcp Discard
    discard 9/udp Discard
    systat 11/tcp Active Users
    daytime 13/tcp Daytime
    daytime 13/udp Daytime
    qotd 17/tcp Quote of the Day
    qotd 17/udp Quote of the Day

    rwrite 18/tcp RWP rwrite
    rwrite 18/udp RWP rwrite
    msp 18/tcp Message Send Protocol
    msp 18/udp Message Send Protocol
    chargen 19/tcp Character Generator
    chargen 19/udp Character Generator
    ftp-data 20/tcp File Transfer [Default Data]
    ftp 21/tcp File Transfer [Control]
    telnet 23/tcp Telnet
    24/tcp any private mail system
    24/udp any private mail system
    smtp 25/tcp Simple Mail Transfer
    nsw-fe 27/tcp NSW User System FE
    nsw-fe 27/udp NSW User System FE
    msg-icp 29/tcp MSG ICP
    msg-icp 29/udp MSG ICP
    msg-auth 31/tcp MSG Authentication
    msg-auth 31/udp MSG Authentication
    dsp 33/tcp Display Support Protocol
    dsp 33/udp Display Support Protocol
    35/tcp any private printer server
    35/udp any private printer server
    time 37/tcp Time
    time 37/udp Time
    rap 38/tcp Route Access Protocol
    rap 38/udp Route Access Protocol
    rlp 39/udp Resource Location Protocol
    graphics 41/tcp Graphics
    graphics 41/udp Graphics
    nameserver 42/udp Host Name Server
    nicname 43/tcp Who Is
    mpm-flags 44/tcp MPM FLAGS Protocol
    mpm 45/tcp Message Processing Module [recv]
    mpm-snd 46/tcp MPM [default send]
    ni-ftp 47/tcp NI FTP
    ni-ftp 47/udp NI FTP
    auditd 48/tcp Digital Audit Daemon
    auditd 48/udp Digital Audit Daemon
    login 49/tcp Login Host Protocol
    re-mail-ck 50/tcp Remote Mail Checking Protocol
    re-mail-ck 50/udp Remote Mail Checking Protocol
    la-maint 51/udp IMP Logical Address Maintenance
    xns-time 52/tcp XNS Time Protocol
    xns-time 52/udp XNS Time Protocol
    domain 53/tcp Domain Name Server
    domain 53/udp Domain Name Server
    xns-ch 54/tcp XNS Clearinghouse
    xns-ch 54/udp XNS Clearinghouse
    isi-gl 55/tcp ISI Graphics Language
    isi-gl 55/udp ISI Graphics Language
    xns-auth 56/tcp XNS Authentication
    xns-auth 56/udp XNS Authentication
    57/tcp any private terminal access
    57/udp any private terminal access
    xns-mail 58/tcp XNS Mail
    xns-mail 58/udp XNS Mail
    59/tcp any private file service
    59/udp any private file service
    60/tcp Unassigned
    60/udp Unassigned
    ni-mail 61/tcp NI MAIL
    ni-mail 61/udp NI MAIL
    acas 62/tcp ACA Services
    covia 64/tcp Communications Integrator (CI)
    tacacs-ds 65/tcp TACACS-Database Service
    sql*net 66/tcp Oracle SQL*NET
    bootps 67/udp Bootstrap Protocol Server
    bootpc 68/udp Bootstrap Protocol Client
    tftp 69/udp Trivial File Transfer
    gopher 70/tcp Gopher
    netrjs-1 71/tcp Remote Job Service
    netrjs-1 71/udp Remote Job Service
    netrjs-2 72/tcp Remote Job Service
    netrjs-2 72/udp Remote Job Service
    netrjs-3 73/tcp Remote Job Service
    netrjs-3 73/udp Remote Job Service
    netrjs-4 74/tcp Remote Job Service
    netrjs-4 74/udp Remote Job Service
    75/tcp any private dial out service
    75/udp any private dial out service
    deos 76/tcp Distributed External Object Store
    deos 76/udp Distributed External Object Store
    77/tcp any private RJE service
    77/udp any private RJE service
    vettcp 78/tcp vettcp
    vettcp 78/udp vettcp
    http 80/tcp World Wide Web HTTP
    www-http 80/tcp World Wide Web HTTP
    hosts2-ns 81/tcp HOSTS2 Name Server
    hosts2-ns 81/udp HOSTS2 Name Server
    xfer 82/tcp XFER Utility
    xfer 82/udp XFER Utility
    mit-ml-dev 83/tcp MIT ML Device
    mit-ml-dev 83/udp MIT ML Device
    ctf 84/tcp Common Trace Facility
    ctf 84/udp Common Trace Facility
    mit-ml-dev 85/tcp MIT ML Device
    mit-ml-dev 85/udp MIT ML Device
    mfcobol 86/tcp Micro Focus Cobol
    87/tcp any private terminal link
    87/udp any private terminal link
    kerberos 88/tcp Kerberos
    su-mit-tg 89/tcp SU/MIT Telnet Gateway
    dnsix 90/tcp DNSIX Securit Attribute Token Map
    mit-dov 91/tcp MIT Dover Spooler
    npp 92/tcp Network Printing Protocol
    npp 92/udp Network Printing Protocol
    dcp 93/tcp Device Control Protocol
    dcp 93/udp Device Control Protocol
    objcall 94/tcp Tivoli Object Dispatcher
    objcall 94/udp Tivoli Object Dispatcher
    supdup 95/tcp SUPDUP
    supdup 95/udp SUPDUP
    dixie 96/tcp DIXIE Protocol Specification
    swift-rvf 97/tcp Swift Remote Virtural File Protocol
    swift-rvf 97/udp Swift Remote Virtural File Protocol
    tacnews 98/tcp TAC News
    tacnews 98/udp TAC News
    metagram 99/tcp Metagram Relay
    metagram 99/udp Metagram Relay
    newacct 100/tcp [unauthorized use]
    hostname 101/tcp NIC Host Name Server
    hostname 101/udp NIC Host Name Server
    iso-tsap 102/tcp ISO-TSAP Class 0
    iso-tsap 102/udp ISO-TSAP Class 0
    gppitnp 103/tcp Genesis Point-to-Point Trans Net
    gppitnp 103/udp Genesis Point-to-Point Trans Net
    acr-nema 104/tcp ACR-NEMA Digital Imag. & Comm. 300
    csnet-ns 105/tcp Mailbox Name Nameserver
    csnet-ns 105/udp Mailbox Name Nameserver
    3com-tsmux 106/tcp 3COM-TSMUX
    3com-tsmux 106/udp 3COM-TSMUX
    poppassd 106/tcp Password Server
    rtelnet 107/tcp Remote Telnet Service
    snagas 108/tcp SNA Gateway Access Server
    pop2 109/tcp Post Office Protocol - Version 2
    pop3 110/tcp Post Office Protocol - Version 3
    sunrpc 111/tcp SUN Remote Procedure Call
    sunrpc 111/udp SUN Remote Procedure Call
    mcidas 112/tcp McIDAS Data Transmission Protocol
    auth 113/tcp Authentication Service
    audionews 114/tcp Audio News Multicast
    audionews 114/udp Audio News Multicast
    sftp 115/tcp Simple File Transfer Protocol
    sftp 115/udp Simple File Transfer Protocol
    ansanotify 116/tcp ANSA REX Notify
    ansanotify 116/udp ANSA REX Notify
    uucp-path 117/tcp UUCP Path Service
    sqlserv 118/tcp SQL Services
    sqlserv 118/udp SQL Services
    nntp 119/tcp Network News Transfer Protocol
    cfdptkt 120/tcp CFDPTKT
    cfdptkt 120/udp CFDPTKT
    erpc 121/tcp Encore Expedited Remote Pro.Call
    erpc 121/udp Encore Expedited Remote Pro.Call
    smakynet 122/tcp SMAKYNET
    smakynet 122/udp SMAKYNET
    ntp 123/tcp Network Time Protocol
    ntp 123/udp Network Time Protocol
    ansatrader 124/tcp ANSA REX Trader
    ansatrader 124/udp ANSA REX Trader
    locus-map 125/tcp Locus PC-Interface Net Map Ser
    unitary 126/tcp Unisys Unitary Login
    unitary 126/udp Unisys Unitary Login
    locus-con 127/tcp Locus PC-Interface Conn Server
    gss-xlicen 128/tcp GSS X License Verification
    gss-xlicen 128/udp GSS X License Verification
    pwdgen 129/tcp Password Generator Protocol
    pwdgen 129/udp Password Generator Protocol
    cisco-fna 130/tcp cisco FNATIVE
    cisco-fna 130/udp cisco FNATIVE
    cisco-tna 131/tcp cisco TNATIVE
    cisco-tna 131/udp cisco TNATIVE
    cisco-sys 132/tcp cisco SYSMAINT
    cisco-sys 132/udp cisco SYSMAINT
    statsrv 133/tcp Statistics Service
    statsrv 133/udp Statistics Service
    ingres-net 134/tcp INGRES-NET Service
    loc-srv 135/tcp Location Service
    loc-srv 135/udp Location Service
    profile 136/tcp PROFILE Naming System
    netbios-ns 137/tcp NETBIOS Name Service
    netbios-ns 137/udp NETBIOS Name Service
    netbios-dgm 138/tcp NETBIOS Datagram Service
    netbios-dgm 138/udp NETBIOS Datagram Service
    netbios-ssn 139/tcp NETBIOS Session Service
    netbios-ssn 139/udp NETBIOS Session Service
    emfis-data 140/tcp EMFIS Data Service
    emfis-data 140/udp EMFIS Data Service
    emfis-cntl 141/tcp EMFIS Control Service
    emfis-cntl 141/udp EMFIS Control Service
    bl-idm 142/tcp Britton-Lee IDM
    bl-idm 142/udp Britton-Lee IDM
    imap2 143/tcp Interactive Mail Access Protocol v2
    news 144/tcp NewS
    news 144/udp NewS
    uaac 145/tcp UAAC Protocol
    uaac 145/udp UAAC Protocol
    iso-tp0 146/tcp ISO-IP0
    iso-tp0 146/udp ISO-IP0
    iso-ip 147/tcp ISO-IP
    iso-ip 147/udp ISO-IP
    cronus 148/tcp CRONUS-SUPPORT
    cronus 148/udp CRONUS-SUPPORT
    aed-512 149/tcp AED 512 Emulation Service
    aed-512 149/udp AED 512 Emulation Service
    sql-net 150/tcp SQL-NET
    sql-net 150/udp SQL-NET
    hems 151/tcp HEMS
    bftp 152/tcp Background File Transfer Program
    bftp 152/udp Background File Transfer Program
    sgmp 153/tcp SGMP
    sgmp 153/udp SGMP
    netsc-prod 154/tcp NETSC
    netsc-prod 154/udp NETSC
    netsc-dev 155/tcp NETSC
    netsc-dev 155/udp NETSC
    sqlsrv 156/tcp SQL Service
    knet-cmp 157/tcp KNET/VM Command/Message Protocol
    pcmail-srv 158/tcp PCMail Server
    nss-routing 159/tcp NSS-Routing
    nss-routing 159/udp NSS-Routing
    sgmp-traps 160/tcp SGMP-TRAPS
    sgmp-traps 160/udp SGMP-TRAPS
    snmp 161/udp SNMP
    snmptrap 162/udp SNMPTRAP
    cmip-man 163/tcp CMIP/TCP Manager
    cmip-man 163/udp CMIP/TCP Manager
    cmip-agent 164/tcp CMIP/TCP Agent
    smip-agent 164/udp CMIP/TCP Agent
    xns-courier 165/tcp Xerox
    xns-courier 165/udp Xerox
    s-net 166/tcp Sirius Systems
    s-net 166/udp Sirius Systems
    namp 167/tcp NAMP
    namp 167/udp NAMP
    rsvd 168/tcp RSVD
    rsvd 168/udp RSVD
    send 169/tcp SEND
    send 169/udp SEND
    print-srv 170/tcp Network PostScript
    print-srv 170/udp Network PostScript
    multiplex 171/tcp Network Innovations Multiplex
    multiplex 171/udp Network Innovations Multiplex
    cl/1 172/tcp Network Innovations CL/1
    cl/1 172/udp Network Innovations CL/1
    xyplex-mux 173/tcp Xyplex
    xyplex-mux 173/udp Xyplex
    mailq 174/tcp MAILQ
    mailq 174/udp MAILQ
    vmnet 175/tcp VMNET
    vmnet 175/udp VMNET
    genrad-mux 176/tcp GENRAD-MUX
    genrad-mux 176/udp GENRAD-MUX
    xdmcp 177/udp X Display Manager Control Protocol
    nextstep 178/tcp NextStep Window Server
    NextStep 178/udp NextStep Window Server
    bgp 179/tcp Border Gateway Protocol
    ris 180/tcp Intergraph
    ris 180/udp Intergraph
    unify 181/tcp Unify
    unify 181/udp Unify
    audit 182/tcp Unisys Audit SITP
    audit 182/udp Unisys Audit SITP
    ocbinder 183/tcp OCBinder
    ocbinder 183/udp OCBinder
    ocserver 184/tcp OCServer
    ocserver 184/udp OCServer
    remote-kis 185/tcp Remote-KIS
    remote-kis 185/udp Remote-KIS
    kis 186/tcp KIS Protocol
    kis 186/udp KIS Protocol
    aci 187/tcp Application Communication Interface
    aci 187/udp Application Communication Interface
    mumps 188/tcp Plus Five's MUMPS
    mumps 188/udp Plus Five's MUMPS
    qft 189/tcp Queued File Transport
    gacp 190/tcp Gateway Access Control Protocol
    cacp 190/udp Gateway Access Control Protocol
    prospero 191/tcp Prospero Directory Service
    osu-nms 192/tcp OSU Network Monitoring System
    osu-nms 192/udp OSU Network Monitoring System
    srmp 193/tcp Spider Remote Monitoring Protocol
    srmp 193/udp Spider Remote Monitoring Protocol
    irc 194/udp Internet Relay Chat Protocol
    dn6-nlm-aud 195/tcp DNSIX Network Level Module Audit
    dn6-smm-red 196/tcp DNSIX Session Mgt Module Audit Redir
    dls 197/tcp Directory Location Service
    dls 197/udp Directory Location Service
    dls-mon 198/tcp Directory Location Service Monitor
    dls-mon 198/udp Directory Location Service Monitor
    smux 199/tcp SMUX
    smux 199/udp SMUX
    src 200/tcp IBM System Resource Controller
    src 200/udp IBM System Resource Controller
    at-rtmp 201/tcp AppleTalk Routing Maintenance
    at-rtmp 201/udp AppleTalk Routing Maintenance
    at-nbp 202/tcp AppleTalk Name Binding
    at-nbp 202/udp AppleTalk Name Binding
    at-3 203/tcp AppleTalk Unused
    at-3 203/udp AppleTalk Unused
    at-echo 204/tcp AppleTalk Echo
    at-echo 204/udp AppleTalk Echo
    at-5 205/tcp AppleTalk Unused
    at-5 205/udp AppleTalk Unused
    at-zis 206/tcp AppleTalk Zone Information
    at-zis 206/udp AppleTalk Zone Information
    at-7 207/tcp AppleTalk Unused
    at-7 207/udp AppleTalk Unused
    at-8 208/tcp AppleTalk Unused
    at-8 208/udp AppleTalk Unused
    tam 209/tcp Trivial Authenticated Mail Protocol
    tam 209/udp Trivial Authenticated Mail Protocol
    z39.50 210/tcp ANSI Z39.50
    z39.50 210/udp ANSI Z39.50
    914c/g 211/tcp Texas Instruments 914C/G Terminal
    914c/g 211/udp Texas Instruments 914C/G Terminal
    anet 212/tcp ATEXSSTR
    anet 212/udp ATEXSSTR
    ipx 213/tcp IPX
    ipx 213/udp IPX
    vmpwscs 214/tcp VM PWSCS
    vmpwscs 214/udp VM PWSCS
    softpc 215/tcp Insignia Solutions
    softpc 215/udp Insignia Solutions
    atls 216/tcp Access Technology License Server
    dbase 217/tcp dBASE Unix
    dbase 217/udp dBASE Unix
    mpp 218/tcp Netix Message Posting Protocol
    mpp 218/udp Netix Message Posting Protocol
    uarps 219/tcp Unisys ARPs
    uarps 219/udp Unisys ARPs
    imap3 220/tcp Interactive Mail Access Protocol v3
    fln-spx 221/tcp Berkeley rlogind with SPX auth
    fln-spx 221/udp Berkeley rlogind with SPX auth
    rsh-spx 222/tcp Berkeley rshd with SPX auth
    rsh-spx 222/udp Berkeley rshd with SPX auth
    cdc 223/tcp Certificate Distribution Center
    cdc 223/udp Certificate Distribution Center
    sur-meas 243/tcp Survey Measurement
    sur-meas 243/udp Survey Measurement
    link 245/tcp LINK
    link 245/udp LINK
    dsp3270 246/tcp Display Systems Protocol
    dsp3270 246/udp Display Systems Protocol
    pdap 344/tcp Prospero Data Access Protocol
    pawserv 345/tcp Perf Analysis Workbench
    pawserv 345/udp Perf Analysis Workbench
    zserv 346/tcp Zebra server
    fatserv 347/tcp Fatmen Server
    csi-sgwp 348/tcp Cabletron Management Protocol
    csi-sgwp 348/udp Cabletron Management Protocol
    clearcase 371/tcp Clearcase
    clearcase 371/udp Clearcase
    ulistserv 372/tcp Unix Listserv
    ulistserv 372/udp Unix Listserv
    legent-1 373/tcp Legent Corporation
    legent-1 373/udp Legent Corporation
    legent-2 374/tcp Legent Corporation
    legent-2 374/udp Legent Corporation
    hassle 375/tcp Hassle
    hassle 375/udp Hassle
    nip 376/tcp Amiga Envoy Network Inquiry Proto
    nip 376/udp Amiga Envoy Network Inquiry Proto
    tnETOS 377/tcp NEC Corporation
    tnETOS 377/udp NEC Corporation
    dsETOS 378/tcp NEC Corporation
    dsETOS 378/udp NEC Corporation
    is99c 379/tcp TIA/EIA/IS-99 modem client
    is99s 380/tcp TIA/EIA/IS-99 modem server
    hp-collector 381/tcp hp performance data collector
    hp-collector 381/udp hp performance data collector
    hp-managed-node 382/tcp hp performance data managed node
    hp-managed-node 382/udp hp performance data managed node
    hp-alarm-mgr 383/tcp hp performance data alarm manager
    hp-alarm-mgr 383/udp hp performance data alarm manager
    arns 384/tcp A Remote Network Server System
    arns 384/udp A Remote Network Server System
    ibm-app 385/tcp IBM Application
    ibm-app 385/tcp IBM Application
    asa 386/tcp ASA Message Router Object Def.
    asa 386/udp ASA Message Router Object Def.
    aurp 387/tcp Appletalk Update-Based Routing Pro.
    aurp 387/udp Appletalk Update-Based Routing Pro.
    unidata-ldm 388/tcp Unidata LDM Version 4
    unidata-ldm 388/udp Unidata LDM Version 4
    ldap 389/tcp Lightweight Directory Access Protocol
    uis 390/tcp UIS
    uis 390/udp UIS
    synotics-relay 391/tcp SynOptics SNMP Relay Port
    synotics-relay 391/udp SynOptics SNMP Relay Port
    synotics-broker 392/tcp SynOptics Port Broker Port
    synotics-broker 392/udp SynOptics Port Broker Port
    dis 393/tcp Data Interpretation System
    dis 393/udp Data Interpretation System
    embl-ndt 394/tcp EMBL Nucleic Data Transfer
    embl-ndt 394/udp EMBL Nucleic Data Transfer
    netcp 395/tcp NETscout Control Protocol
    netcp 395/udp NETscout Control Protocol
    netware-ip 396/tcp Novell Netware over IP
    netware-ip 396/udp Novell Netware over IP
    mptn 397/tcp Multi Protocol Trans. Net.
    mptn 397/udp Multi Protocol Trans. Net.
    kryptolan 398/tcp Kryptolan
    kryptolan 398/udp Kryptolan
    iso-tsap-c2 399/tcp ISO-TSAP Class 2
    iso-tsap-c2 399/udp ISO-TSAP Class 2
    work-sol 400/tcp Workstation Solutions
    work-sol 400/udp Workstation Solutions
    ups 401/udp Uninterruptible Power Supply
    genie 402/tcp Genie Protocol
    genie 402/udp Genie Protocol
    decap 403/tcp decap
    decap 403/udp decap
    nced 404/tcp nced
    nced 404/udp nced
    ncld 405/tcp ncld
    ncld 405/udp ncld
    imsp 406/tcp Interactive Mail Support Protocol
    imsp 406/udp Interactive Mail Support Protocol
    timbuktu 407/tcp Timbuktu
    prm-sm 408/tcp Prospero Resource Manager Sys. Man.
    prm-nm 409/tcp Prospero Resource Manager Node Man.
    decladebug 410/udp DECLadebug Remote Debug Protocol
    rmt 411/tcp Remote MT Protocol
    rmt 411/udp Remote MT Protocol
    synoptics-trap 412/tcp Trap Convention Port
    synoptics-trap 412/udp Trap Convention Port
    smsp 413/tcp SMSP
    smsp 413/udp SMSP
    infoseek 414/tcp InfoSeek
    infoseek 414/udp InfoSeek
    bnet 415/tcp BNet
    bnet 415/udp BNet
    silverplatter 416/tcp Silverplatter
    silverplatter 416/udp Silverplatter
    onmux 417/tcp Onmux
    onmux 417/udp Onmux
    hyper-g 418/tcp Hyper-G
    ariel1 419/tcp Ariel
    smpte 420/udp SMPTE
    ariel2 421/tcp Ariel
    ariel3 422/tcp Ariel
    opc-job-start 423/tcp IBM Operations Planning and Control Start
    opc-job-track 424/tcp IBM Operations Planning and Control Track
    icad-el 425/tcp ICAD
    smartsdp 426/tcp smartsdp
    smartsdp 426/udp smartsdp
    svrloc 427/tcp Server Location
    svrloc 427/udp Server Location
    ocs_cmu 428/tcp OCS_CMU
    ocs_cmu 428/udp OCS_CMU
    ocs_amu 429/tcp OCS_AMU
    ocs_amu 429/udp OCS_AMU
    utmpsd 430/tcp UTMPSD
    utmpsd 430/udp UTMPSD
    utmpcd 431/tcp UTMPCD
    utmpcd 431/udp UTMPCD
    iasd 432/tcp IASD
    iasd 432/udp IASD
    nnsp 433/tcp NNSP
    nnsp 433/udp NNSP
    mobileip-agent 434/tcp MobileIP-Agent
    mobilip-mn 435/tcp MobilIP-MN
    dna-cml 436/tcp DNA-CML
    dna-cml 436/udp DNA-CML
    comscm 437/tcp comscm
    comscm 437/udp comscm
    dsfgw 438/tcp dsfgw
    dsfgw 438/udp dsfgw
    dasp 439/tcp dasp Thomas Obermair
    dasp 439/udp dasp tommy@inlab.m.eunet.de
    sgcp 440/tcp sgcp
    sgcp 440/udp sgcp
    decvms-sysmgt 441/tcp decvms-sysmgt
    cvc_hostd 442/tcp cvc_hostd
    cvc_hostd 442/udp cvc_hostd
    https 443/tcp https MCom
    snpp 444/tcp Simple Network Paging Protocol
    snpp 444/udp Simple Network Paging Protocol
    microsoft-ds 445/udp Microsoft-DS
    ddm-rdb 446/tcp DDM-RDB
    ddm-rdb 446/udp DDM-RDB
    ddm-dfm 447/tcp DDM-RFM
    ddm-dfm 447/udp DDM-RFM
    ddm-byte 448/tcp DDM-BYTE
    ddm-byte 448/udp DDM-BYTE
    as-servermap 449/tcp AS Server Mapper
    as-servermap 449/udp AS Server Mapper
    tserver 450/tcp TServer
    sfs-smp-net 451/tcp Cray Network Semaphore server
    sfs-smp-net 451/udp Cray Network Semaphore server
    sfs-config 452/tcp Cray SFS config server
    sfs-config 452/udp Cray SFS config server
    creativeserver 453/tcp CreativeServer
    creativeserver 453/udp CreativeServer
    contentserver 454/tcp ContentServer
    contentserver 454/udp ContentServer
    creativepartnr 455/tcp CreativePartnr
    creativepartnr 455/udp CreativePartnr
    macon-tcp 456/tcp macon-tcp
    macon-udp 456/udp macon-udp
    scohelp 457/tcp scohelp
    scohelp 457/udp scohelp
    appleqtc 458/tcp apple quick time
    appleqtc 458/udp apple quick time
    ampr-rcmd 459/tcp ampr-rcmd
    ampr-rcmd 459/udp ampr-rcmd
    skronk 460/tcp skronk
    skronk 460/udp skronk
    exec 512/tcp remote process execution;
    biff 512/udp used by mail system to notify users
    login 513/tcp remote login a la telnet;
    who 513/udp maintains data bases showing who's
    cmd 514/tcp like exec, but automatic
    syslog 514/udp
    printer 515/tcp spooler
    talk 517/udp
    ntalk 518/tcp
    utime 519/tcp unixtime
    utime 519/udp unixtime
    efs 520/tcp extended file name server
    router 520/udp local routing process (on site);
    timed 525/tcp timeserver
    timed 525/udp timeserver
    tempo 526/tcp newdate
    tempo 526/udp newdate
    courier 530/tcp rpc
    courier 530/udp rpc
    conference 531/tcp chat
    conference 531/udp chat
    netnews 532/tcp readnews
    netnews 532/udp readnews
    netwall 533/tcp for emergency broadcasts
    netwall 533/udp for emergency broadcasts
    apertus-ldp 539/tcp Apertus Technologies Load Determination
    apertus-ldp 539/udp Apertus Technologies Load Determination
    uucp 540/tcp uucpd
    uucp-rlogin 541/tcp uucp-rlogin
    uucp-rlogin 541/udp uucp-rlogin
    klogin 543/tcp
    klogin 543/udp
    kshell 544/tcp krcmd
    kshell 544/udp krcmd
    appleqtcsrvr 545/tcp appleqtcsrvr
    appleqtcsrvr 545/udp appleqtcsrvr
    new-rwho 550/tcp new-who
    new-rwho 550/udp new-who
    dsf 555/tcp
    dsf 555/udp
    remotefs 556/tcp rfs server
    remotefs 556/udp rfs server
    openvms-sysipc 557/tcp openvms-sysipc
    openvms-sysipc 557/udp openvms-sysipc
    sdnskmp 558/tcp SDNSKMP
    sdnskmp 558/udp SDNSKMP
    teedtap 559/tcp TEEDTAP
    teedtap 559/udp TEEDTAP
    rmonitor 560/tcp rmonitord
    rmonitor 560/udp rmonitord
    monitor 561/tcp
    monitor 561/udp
    chshell 562/tcp chcmd
    chshell 562/udp chcmd
    9pfs 564/tcp plan 9 file service
    9pfs 564/udp plan 9 file service
    whoami 565/tcp whoami
    whoami 565/udp whoami
    meter 570/tcp demon
    meter 570/udp demon
    meter 571/tcp udemon
    meter 571/udp udemon
    ipcserver 600/tcp Sun IPC server
    ipcserver 600/udp Sun IPC server
    nqs 607/tcp nqs
    nqs 607/udp nqs
    urm 606/tcp Cray Unified Resource Manager
    urm 606/udp Cray Unified Resource Manager

    sift-uft 608/tcp Sender-Initiated/Unsolicited File Transfer
    npmp-trap 609/tcp npmp-trap
    npmp-trap 609/udp npmp-trap
    npmp-local 610/tcp npmp-local
    npmp-local 610/udp npmp-local
    npmp-gui 611/tcp npmp-gui
    npmp-gui 611/udp npmp-gui
    ginad 634/tcp ginad
    ginad 634/udp ginad
    mdqs 666/tcp
    mdqs 666/udp
    doom 666/tcp doom Id Software
    elcsd 704/tcp errlog copy/server daemon
    elcsd 704/udp errlog copy/server daemon
    flexlm 744/tcp Flexible License Manager
    flexlm 744/udp Flexible License Manager
    fujitsu-dev 747/tcp Fujitsu Device Control
    fujitsu-dev 747/udp Fujitsu Device Control
    ris-cm 748/tcp Russell Info Sci Calendar Manager
    ris-cm 748/udp Russell Info Sci Calendar Manager
    kerberos-adm 749/tcp kerberos administration
    rfile 750/tcp
    loadav 750/udp
    pump 751/tcp
    pump 751/udp
    qrh 752/tcp
    qrh 752/udp
    rrh 753/tcp
    rrh 753/udp
    tell 754/tcp send
    tell 754/udp send
    nlogin 758/tcp
    nlogin 758/udp
    con 759/tcp
    con 759/udp
    ns 760/tcp
    ns 760/udp
    rxe 761/tcp
    rxe 761/udp
    quotad 762/tcp
    quotad 762/udp
    cycleserv 763/tcp
    cycleserv 763/udp
    omserv 764/tcp
    omserv 764/udp
    webster 765/tcp
    webster 765/udp
    phonebook 767/tcp phone
    phonebook 767/udp phone
    vid 769/tcp
    vid 769/udp
    cadlock 770/tcp
    cadlock 770/udp
    rtip 771/tcp
    rtip 771/udp
    cycleserv2 772/tcp
    cycleserv2 772/udp
    submit 773/tcp
    notify 773/udp
    rpasswd 774/tcp
    acmaint_dbd 774/udp
    entomb 775/tcp
    acmaint_transd 775/udp
    wpages 776/tcp
    wpages 776/udp
    wpgs 780/tcp
    wpgs 780/udp
    concert 786/tcp Concert
    concert 786/udp Concert
    mdbs_daemon 800/tcp
    mdbs_daemon 800/udp
    device 801/tcp
    device 801/udp
    accessbuilder 888/tcp AccessBuilder
    accessbuilder 888/udp AccessBuilder
    xtreelic 996/tcp Central Point Software
    xtreelic 996/udp Central Point Software
    maitrd 997/tcp
    maitrd 997/udp
    busboy 998/tcp
    puparp 998/udp
    garcon 999/tcp
    applix 999/udp Applix ac
    puprouter 999/tcp
    puprouter 999/udp
    cadlock 1000/tcp
    ock 1000/udp
    1023/tcp Reserved
    1024/udp Reserved

--- Jolly Spamhead

The Real Jolly Spamhead
Written by Jolly Spamhead

Here's my UPL take of the real slim shady done in one shot! Jolly Spamhead apologizes in advance to Kevin Mitnick (I even bought a "Free Kevin" sticker and a tshirt!..geez get off my nutz kev!), and anyone else that I may draw false attention and perception too.

The Real Jolly Spamhead
Sung to the Tune Of The Real Slim Shady

May I have your attention please?
"You damn kids stop calling me!"
Will the real Jolly Spamhead please stand up?
I repeat will the real Jolly Spamhead please stand up?
We're going to have a problem here

(Verse 1)

Ya'll act like you never seen a black hacker before
bieges drop to the floor like abene and kevin just burst in the door
and started babbaling about the Mod Lod war I heard about 50 million times before

It's the return of the
"Oh wait, no way, your kidding, he didn't just type up another fucked up article for UPL, did he?"
And RedBoxChilliPepper said
....Nothing you idiots RedBoxChilliPepper is dead, OCI finally caught up
with him and cut off his fuckin head!

Suicidal S&M IRC bitches love Jolly Spamhead
Chicka chicka chicka Jolly Spamhead I'm sick of him
look at him, sniffing ip's, brute forcing NT's
typing ctty nul in your autoexec.bat, just for show...."yeah, but he's so evil though"

Yea I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
but no worse than what's going on at 3:30 in the morning when I cut your NUI box the fuck loose
Sometimes I just wanna exploit Network Solutions and just let loose
(Spoken: KKK.com was my work nigga!),
but can't anymore, since redboxchillipepper's article for UPL made the news

My exploit is on the way, My exploit is on the way
and if I'm so lucky (Spoken: Yeah Right) once its published, you kiddies might just give it
a longlife of a day, before its abused so much I wonder why I submitted it anyway?

And that's the message that JS is here to deliver to you little script kids
and expect them not to know what a nbsession is.
Of course they gonna know what a nbsession is (Spoken: They should?")
by the time they hit 4th grade,
they got the internet and UPL zines don't they?

We ain't nothing but phonelosers, well some of us are just plain losers
with stolen pins, waiting for our free cd's at mailbox etc to come in
But we can buffer overflow and overload
then there's no reason that mitnick and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote.
Colleen wave your panty hoes, sing the chorus and it goes...


I'm Jolly Spamhead
Yes I'm the real Spam
All you other Jolly Spamheads are just imitating
So won't the real Jolly Spamhead...
Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up
becuase I'm Jolly Spamhead
Yes I'm the real Spam
All you other Jolly Spamhead are just imitating
So won't the real Jolly Spamhead...
Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up

(Verse 2)

The 2600 readers don't gotta install linux to exploit root
Well I do, so fuck them and fuck you too!
You think I give a damn about how I break in? (Spoken: Fuck That!)
The ops in #2600 can't even stomach me, let alone stand me.
"But Spam what if u learn to hack wouldn't it be weird?"
So yall feds can arrest, call me Coolio, swap some spit about dare.org and
watch spam shed some tears?
Shit, fuck that I have been in the game for too many years

I wanna goto defcon this year and sit next to RBCP and Goldstein
And hear 'em argue over which fed kevin gave head to in jail first to get out
Praise the lord! Mitnick is finally free! (Spoken: Yippie!)
"Where were the free Jolly spam stickers when the cops came and raided me?"

I should load up adobe
And show the whole world through a jpg
how you gave Jolly Spamhead VD (scream)
Yo im sick of you spam wannabees
So I've been sent here to annoy you or better yet destroy you
And theres a million of us just like me
Who exploit like me
Who just don't give a fuck like me
Who write like me
Walk, talk and think like me
It just might be the next best thing
But unless your black, and go by the name of JS with a nekkid amy fetish
Your just playing lost skitszo roulette with one of PLA's best


(Verse 3)

I'm like a cannibal corpse acidtrip to listen to
Cause I'm only giving you
UPL articles you only joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to type it all
And I don't gotta be false or suck up to linear for him to print it all
I just load up edit and spit it
Im sorry you never heard of edit, im sorry you had to admit it
I just shit it better than 90% of you phonelosers out there
Then you wonder how can kidz eat up my articles like valiums.

Its funny cuz at the rate im going when I'm 70
Ill be the only person in the OCI office
Pinching op asses when I'm jackin' off with Kevin and I'm suppose to be working
Trying to figure out why my damn ANI isn't working
And every single person is a Spamhead lurkin'
I could be workin at Walmart opening modems, replacing the boards with crushed
Jolt cans and programing the SOB to catch on fire at a flick of my hand
Or outside in the parking lot looking for my redbox I lost when I was drunk
screaming I don't give a fuck
Until mall security comes and chases me around the whole fuckin lot

So will the real Spamhead, please stand up
and put one of those fingers on each hand up
and to be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
and one more time, scream as you can, how does it go?


--- Jolly Spamhead

Letters To UPL
Written by Various Losers

From: gench
Subject: correction, um, or something

Greetings from the Dork side of the moon!
Just a couple minor details in UPL019 you might want to tell your readers about:

The keypad telephone Twisted Faith refers to (Cat No. 940-0763) is $50, not $19. However, Cat No. 43-892 is basically the same thing (about the size of a pack of cigarettes, uses a headset), but it's $30.

Also, I think the "Quarter-sized" phone TF was talking about isn't made by RadioShack. There IS one made by Northwestern Bell (www.nwbphones.com), the model 28000, that fits his description (round, about the diameter of a golf  ball, uses a headset). It's about $15 at the Target store near my place, and comes in several fr00ty colors! (or if you're lazy, www.nwbphones.com/28000.htm)

aka Gench the Burping Cheetah!

"I am Dyslexic of Borg. Your ass will be laminated."
-LearJet of EFNet's #MacFilez

From: Chad Yaggie
Subject: upl article

was reading your article about the family plan for scamming free airtime from certain cell phone plans. one hole i found in this plan is the fact that, in our area at least, everytime you get the operator to dial a number for you, you get charged about two dollars. i know this because i have used the operator to place calls for me after getting call blocked from dialing some number. noticed the charges when i got the phone bill a few weeks later. my provider is southwestern bell btw.

if your area has access to a simple divertor that can only place local calls, this idea would work flawlessly. we used to have one years ago, but it died a horrible death.

[linear says: d'oh! I had no clue some people get charged for op diverting local calls at the time of writing that article. I only learned later when a few people like this guy informed me. Lucky for me though, it's free in my area. You guys will just have to find away around it if you get charged when you try this. sorry. ]

From: Colleen Card
Subject: Hacking girls the cyberpunk way

Um I don't care if that article was supposted to be a joke, the only people who find that stuff funny are probably groups of retarded high school boys. I know that's who probably reads your 'zine, but that article was still in poor taste and probably shouldn't have even been published.

There are tons of guys into h/p who suffer from mental illinesses, whould if be funny if I wrote articles about how to 'Social Engineer the Depresses Computer Nerd into Killing Himself'. I've come across far more guys online that have 'problems' them women so maybe an artile like that would help you reach a larger target audience.

Neither subject is funny.

Colleen Card


 [ linear gets serious for a minute....

I agree completely. Honestly. When I received the article, my initial thoughts were too ignore it, and avoid publishing it all together. Then there was a battle with myself on the basis of "I shouldn't have to censor to my writers". As you can see, the wrong side one. Usually if someone sent me an email like this on nearly any other article I've published through UPL, I would have simply replied "Fuck you, if it has offended you, then it's doing its job," but because I totally agree that this article was better off ignored, I am apologizing (for the first and no doubt last time in UPL history) for publishing something I as an editor should have known not to. ]


The United Phone Losers are not role models. The things described in this document should never be tried by anyone. In fact, you shouldn't have even read this file. What would your mother say if she caught you reading  this? You make us sick! Oh, and when the authorities ask where you got all this information, just say Cult of the Dead Cow or something.

"Wasn't me, Slim Shady Said To Do It Again!"

United Phone Losers


       Jaded         Harry Tuttle


Rufus T. Firefly          nawleed