United Phone Losers
issue no. 17 - February 19, 2000
this issue edited by Rufus T. Firefly

in this issue

Written by Rufus T Firefly

Well, UPL issue 17 is finally here.  I, RTF, am sitting in as editor for this one.  And I must say as interim editor, things will certainly be shaping up around here.

For starters, this zine will be shifting over to an all-erotic-fiction format, with a lengthy personal-ads section.  Our sporadic IRC logs will be replaced by a wholesome "recipes" section, so that when unexpected company arrives, you need only look up the UPL quick-n-easy meatloaf and we can guarantee there'll be smiles all around!  It will of course take some time to get everything translated into Ancient Korean Han'Gul, and we will have to replace each and every reference to the number "7" with the mantra "omni-padme-um" for numerological reasons.

Furthermore, we as a group will no longer be working "against" the phone company.  We shall instigate a strict policy of saying only nice things about the phone company, or saying nothing at all.  For example, "That operator sure is doing an excellent job!"  There will also be instructional tutorials on how to send the phone company more money than they originally ask you for.  And... what?  Hey!  What're you guys doing back here?  I wasnnnt doooign anyhtihiikdor rteug off847v y34f owwwwwwwch..

... Uhmm.. forget everything I just said.  Enjoy the issue, we've got both new and old faces this time around... I'm suddenly very tired...

--- by Rufus T. Firefly

Phreaker Priorities
Written by International Cow

Phreaking, like the internet, has become an easy everyday, useful thing for most people.  Every little brat (yes, even you) has access to so much shit now its ridiculous.  From redboxing to beige boxing, everyone is doing it.  I think I even saw a lady in her 50's with a redbox the other day at out local Quik-E mart. Well, I guess its about time that myself, IC, educate you on phreaker priorities.

First off, you need to get their priorities inline before attempting to do any kind of successful phreaking.  Priority 1, locate the nearest convience store and purchase one 20oz Jolt Cola, if Jolt cola is not available in your area, then Dr. Pepper will have to do. If you can not afford a cool tastey beverage, give yourself a 5 finger discount and take it anyways.  One must always have some of high caffeine sugar contain before taking on the mad skillz to hack 'ma Bell.

Second.  Now that you have priority one out of the way, the next step is to make sure you have the following tools:
  1. Redbox
  2. Microcassette Recorder
  3. Microcassette for Recorder
  4. Earpiece for Item 3
  5. Suction-Cup style microphone for Item 3
  6. Spare Batteries for Item 1 & 2
  7. Spare Batteries for Item 3
  8. Portable Computer (Palm Pilot, etc) (if avail.)
  9. 35mm Camera
Okay, now I know your thinking? what the hell am I gonna do with all that shit? Well its easy... Item 1, you don't need to ask questions about, and if you think you do, please go back to Phone Phreaking 101, most higher learning facilities offer day and night classes.  Items 2 thru 7 are where phreaking takes another level of just ripping off your local telco.  This gives you the ability to record and document your mad hacker like skillz to the rest of the world...

Unclear on what I mean? How do you think RBCP started? Without those nifty items, would he have the crazy wild recordings that have been downloaded from www.phonelosers.org so many times by you. So, if you don't have these above items, I recommend you go out and purchase atleast Items 3 thru 8, Item 9 comes in handy for payphone number recording, but not required. You can find Item 2, 3 and 4 at any local Wal-Mart.  Item 6 can be purchased at your local Radio Shack.

Item 10 is another optional item, I have found it fun to take snapshots of payphones before, during, or after using them for illegal purposes.  I have a nice selection of payphone pics currently just from the Southeast area. Of course, you can find 33mm cameras in about every store, and pharmacy. If you have any payphone pics you would like to submit, send them my way via email.

After you have successfully picked up these items, then you may continue on your journey to free long distance, and phone call tapping at your leisure, the International Cow way.  Be safe, and remember, anything you have read here is for EDUCATIONAL purposes only. *grin*

This concludes my first submission to UPL, hope you guys enjoyed it, any comments can be directed to the email address above.  I won't guarentee a reply, I stay too busy out on the streets making international calls with Sprint and Bell Atlantic footin the bill.

--- by International Cow

Good Children Don't Use Drugs, or Kids Love The Color Blue
Written by ROJO

It's not always that I can cause the trouble I do. More often than naught I sit at home in front of a computer and work on my pale complexion. This particular Friday Dr. Dust and Dingis called my up and asked if I want to go cause a little Random Mischief with 'em. Knowing how my adventures with them always turn out (us running from some sort of authority) I couldn't pass them up on the deal.

First stop
The Food: There's a subway in my small town. Some friends of mine work there. This means free food. We all endulged in our free supper.

Second stop
The drug: what nite of trouble would be incomplete without smokes? luckily for us our local shell station is connect directly with subway. We got some cigs and sat in the parking lot and programmed the scanners. We had two ten channel scanners that Dingis had somehow manage to get ahold of for free from somewhere or another. We put in 20 cordless fone freqs and drove.

Now my hometown of Brighton is not what some ppl consider "large". Hell, it's really small, and soon we were bored so off to Alton! (neighboring town, lots of prospects.)

Third Stop
Singing the Blues: Not much happened on the scanners for awhile. The occasional chicks talking about how lucky they are to have such "cool" boyfriends on the varsity football team(god help them when they get out of highschool) and the old ppl conversations. Boring. So Dingis broke out what we like to call the Bag of Trix. You never know just what he might pull from this backpack. This nite he pulled what appeared to be a tighlty wrapped jar. Wrapped, in several layers of zipp locked bags. Inside the jar was a powdery blue substance. Now of course I wasn't sure what this was at first but rest assured Dingis told us all about how he obtained such a rare sample of Industrial Strenght Blue Dye!!!! At this point you may wonder what you might do with such a thing. Well first of all you must be very careful with it.  If it comes in contact with your skin, expect not to see the normal color of your skin there for at least(I do mean at "least") two weeks. Next then, where to put it. Driving along we noticed a fountain. This wasn't a fountain of the drinking assortment but one that you would find in parks and the such. These are scatterd along the streets of Alton and the park dept. or whatever must overlook them. We remembered and old story of some kids putting bubbley bath stuff in one and since it recirculates it bubbled up and poured out onto the streets. Thinking this was hilarious, Dingis promptly put on latex gloves and did the by now obvious thing to do. We emptied the entire jar! This may sound dumb but we left the empty jar. First of all, Dingis was wearing gloves, thus no fingerprints. Second, we were laughing to hard to care as we ran back to the car. Third, just think of the poor guy who picks up that jar thinking he found some important piece of evidence, but instead he finds that he has smurf hands for the next month!

Fourth Stop
The Call: We continued our expedition after a short stop at a local coffee shop so as to get wired. We were driving around in a small neighborhood when we picked up an awesomely clear conversation. Soon we saw why it was so clear. There was a woman sitting on her front porch on the fone!

Lady: I feel so bad I don't even know Jane's kids's ages anymore...
*conversation continues as we pull up*
Dingis:*rolls down window* excuse me ma'am.
Lady: ummm, yes?
Dingis: We think it would be in your best interest if you'd learn Jane's
         kid's ages!
Dingis:*Nails gas and we spin tires and drive off*
Lady: Somebody is spying on us. They just drove up and said stuff we
       had been saying on the fone!
Lady On Other Line: Maybe they are using drugs...
Dingis:*has pulled car back around*
        *rolls down window*
         Excuse me, ma'am. We're good kids we don't use drugs.
         *once again squeeling of tires and driving away and back*

Well we continue this little sherrade as long as we can but eventually there is a very large man stomping out to his very large truck in front of there house. Now these people must understand that we were only trying to teach them the dangers of using a cordless fone. We meant them no harm! But Dr. Dust and Dingis didn't agree with me that this man would listen to my rationale. So we drove off. Fast. Really fast. And so did the large man. At first this was confusing and I thought Maybe we might've left something back at their house and this nice guy was only trying to be a helpful law abiding citizen and return it to us. Soon after much explaining Dr. Dust explained to me that for some odd reason listening to this man's wife and teaching her about fone phreaking(free of charge no less!) had made him angry. Ppl these days. After much swerving and Dingis evasive driving methods we seemed to escape this crazed lunatic. Things that nite weren't as great after that.

Last Stop:Samuel: We were driving around(yes still) and saw in someone's lawn a lot more ornaments than the National Lawn Ornament Standards provided for. We only saw it fit to help them by removing some before the NLOS busted them. So we went home with our trophy. A small brass turtle whom we named sammy. Actually I made that part up about the turtle's name but i've always wanted a pet turtle named sam...

--- by ROJO
What It's Like To Be TOM GAVIN!@#%
Written by tomgavin

Hi everyone, it's me again, Tom Gavin. I know you were all wondering, "Hey! this is upl016....BUT NO TOM GAVIN!!!!!!". We'll I can assure you that I HAVN'T been talking to turks. So all you children and parents sit down for STORY TIME!@#$!@#$

Well first off I have to cop to the truth, terror_eyz is my brother. Back when I was 2 my parents and I were driving to Disney Land, we found a little white boy approximately the same age as I, TOM GAVIN! My parents being kind and gentle souls, (also black hardcore ghetto niggy's) decided to pick this poor unfortunate soul up and adopt him. We grew up like real brothers, playing ball in the 'hood, jackin bad ass cars and hittin up dem liquor stores f0 some cash. But then a terrible incident came along. Terror made the bad mistake of calling my mom the n dash dash dash dash r word!@#$@!# Well that ended our relationship for a good while.

Well anyway, back to what its like to be me. On a regular day, I wake up and ride the bus to school. I'm a senior so that makes me the lamest guy on the bus. I usually sit next to this girl whom likes to be prank called alot. (her number by the way is (301)-870-9387, tell her she has bad acne) I go to a school with alot of jocks and preppys. I don't really like hate them though because i get along with everyone because im 1337.

After school I go to work. Work is not fun. Fun is sex. One time at work i thought of sex, then i had to go to the bathroom. This one girl i work with used to be in love with Bikr, but then i showed her sq's and ded_zero's picture and now she wants little sq and ded. She also h00kz0r3d me up with a free cellular phone so now I wanna bangz0r her too.

Well, I guess thats all I have to say right now. If you have any further questions or comments about my wackz0ry life, just email me at tommygavin /at/ hotmail /dot/ com

--- by tom gavin
A 99.44% Guaranteed Calling Card Script
Written by Rufus T. Firefly

Congratulations!  You've just become a special billing operator for your target's local phone company.  Substitute your target's local telco for BELL.  I used to go through tons of calling cards back in the day, and this script rarely failed me.  Be ready to adapt and improve..

YOU:  Hello, may I speak to Wally McWorld, please?

THEM: Speaking. What can I do ya for?

U: Mr. McWorld, my name is Hans Rodriguez O'Shaunladdy with the BELL billing office.  I'm calling in order to make a routine inquiry.  You see, Mr. McWorld, our records show an unusual increase in activity on your BELL calling card recently, and for our mutual protection I'm checking to confirm these charges.  Now, our records show 27 direct-dialed, person-to-person calls made from a payphone in Grand Central Station, New York to three different numbers in El Salvador over the past five days, all with your calling card number.  These calls lasted an average of about 25 minutes each, and the combined charges are $374.56.  Mr. McWorld, did you or someone authorized by you in fact make these calls?

T: No!  No way!  Nuh-uh!  Nyet!  Negatory!  Nein!

U: Ah-hah.  As we thought, because the calling pattern and the numbers called do match more than one of our previous fraud cases.  Mr. McWorld, it appears your calling card number is being fraudulently used.  Now don't worry, you will not be held responsible for any of these charges, and measures are now being taken to prevent further abuse of your card.  I will have to ask you some routine questions so we can clear this matter up, and so our fraud division can begin investigation.  Now, I must inform you that to further our investigation, this conversation will be logged.  All right?

T: Yah, sure, okay.

U: Okay.  Now, I am speaking with Mr. Wally McWorld?

T: Yah.

U: And your telephone number is (xxx) xxx-xxxx?

T: Yah-yup.

U: And your 4-digit calling card PIN number is 3-8-2-5 ?

T: No, wait, that's not my PIN!!

U: Ah-hah.  Okay, let me check our records... (type, type, type.) It seems your PIN was changed recently.. this very morning, in fact.  I think we can assume it was changed by the guilty party or parties who obtained your card number.  Can you tell me what your PIN was before they changed it?

T: Yah, it was yyyy.

U: (type, type, type.) ..So your last actual card number was "xxx-xxx-xxxx-yyyy."  Alright, Mr. McWorld, our fraud division will start investigation immediately.  Your card will be inactive for about one day, but you will be notified immediately when it is re-activated, and a new PIN number will be issued to you.

T: Okay.

U: Thank you for your time and assistance, Mr. McWorld.  Have a pleasant day.

Now that you've got his PIN, call the phone company (not from your house, dodo!) and have the PIN changed to 4 digits of your own choice.  Then call him back in a day and give him his new PIN.  A "new" PIN will alleviate any suspicions he might have (only the real telco could change a pin for him, riiiight?) and he wont call the telco about it.  In the meantime, you've got his number.

You tell him the pin was just changed "this morning" in case he actually used the card (with his "old" PIN) recently enough to wonder.

Have fun!

--- by Rufus T. Firefly
Mister Bell-Man-o
Written by Phractal

(Sung to the tune of "Mr. Roboto" by Styx)

Domo arigato Mr. Bell-Man-o (robot voice)
Domo arigato Mr. Bell-Man-o
Switch the lines today!
Domo arigato Mr. Bell-Man-o
You seem so wise in our ways!

You're wondering who I am!
Secret Secret.. I've got a secret
Phreaker or telco fan!
Secret Secret.. I've got a secret
With boxes made from a plan!
Secret Secret.. I've got a secret

I've got a secret
I've been hiding
Behind my phone
My heart is human
My blood is boiling
My brain, mixed up with tones

So if you see me, acting strangely
Don't be surprised
I'm just a phreak who, needed someone,
and somwhere to hide
to keep me ALIVE!!
to keep me ALIVE!
Somewhere to hide, to keep me ALIVE!

I'm not a hacker, whithout emotions
I'm not what you see
I've come to hack you
With my skills, so the info will be all free!
I'm not a hero
I'm not to save you
Forget what you know
I'm just a phreak who's elite skills went beyond Bell's control
Beyond Bell's control!
Beyond Bell's control!
I have control!
We all have control!

Secret Secret.. I've got a secret
Who hides behind a phone
Secret Secret.. I've got a secret
So no one else can see
Secret Secret.. I've got a secret
My true Identidy

Domo arigato Mr. Bell-Man-o
Domo, Domo
Domo, Domo
Domo arigato Mr. Bell-Man-o
Domo, Domo
Domo, Domo
Domo arigato Mr. Bell-Man-o
Domo arigato Mr. Bell-Man-o
Domo arigato Mr. Bell-Man-o
Domo arigato Mr. Bell-Man-o

Thank you very much to Mr. Bell-man-o for doing the job that no one wants to
Thank you very much to Mr. Bell-man-o for helping me escape just when I
needed to
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
I want to thank you
Please thank you

The problem's plain to see...
Too less security
Machines to switch our calls
Machines dehumanize

The time has come at last
Secret Secret.. I've got a secret
To expose my alias!
Secret Secret.. I've got a secret
Now everyone will see
Secret Secret.. I've got a secret
My true identity!

I'm Kill r0y!
Kill r0y!
Kill r0y!
Kill r0y!

(Robot noises fade out)

--- by Phractal
IRC Log Happy Fun Time Land
Written by Various Artists

A normal evening in #phonelosers
*** Now talking in #phonelosers
*** Topic is ',.-'`"---{[=HAPPY===BIRTHDAY=]}---"`'-., <-- to JADED!%@$@&^$'
*** Set by JJ on Mon Jan 10 23:11:40
<nawleed> TOMMY
* `Pyro kicks haze where the sun dont shine only because hes a sexy bee0tch
<tomgavin> JAWBLEED!
<tomgavin> EYE WUBB J00!
*** toxis (donkeylipsfromsaluteyourshorts@fat.guy.dialup.imfat.com) has
joined #phonelosers
<toxis> hey all, im here and im queer, deal with it
* nawleed refuses to aknowledge toxis' presence, because hes not really
OR here
* toxis wubs lawneed's giant scsi drive
<Dolemite> I beat my meat...no i can't say it, actually i did say it
<nawleed> hehe, as do i, into a gym sock, 4 times a day
* `Pyro does the same because he wants to be just like nawleed's scsi drive
when he grows up
<tomgavin> hey nawleed, why arent you on my confz0r?
<nawleed> because silly, im waxing my bikini line, federigo dosnt like a
mouth full of pubes
<tomgavin> thats disgusting
<nawleed> oh, heehee, im british
<toxis> because IM FAT! IM FAT! YOU KNOW IT!
<`Pyro> toxis is a lard-o
*** tomgavin is now known as tomgavin_
<`Pyro> someone gas your nick tom?
<`Pyro> *has
<tomgavin_> <nawleed> when the girl was naked in my room, i pulled and
american pie
* toxis watched Xenos catch his little bus this morning
<toxis> it went "meep meep"
<nawleed> I said that to you as a SECRET TOM! HOW COULD YOU!!!
<tomgavin_> you're a j0re
<Haze> When nawleed was naked in my room, i whipped out a gun and shot his
honkey ass
*** LoganW35t has quit IRC (im FAR to lame to even hang out with lamers, oh
well, back to smacking my willy around)
<Haze> whatta freak
<toxis> When God was in my room, he said "GOD DAMN TOXIS YOUR ONE FAT
<tomgavin_> <nawleed> one time at band camp, i stuck a tuba in my arse hole
<nawleed> hehe
<nawleed> well, that one really happened, on 8 different occasions
*** Retrieving #phonelosers info...
<nawleed> I admit it
<`Pyro> hey toxis are you really a zillion pounds or more like 250?
<nawleed> haha
<toxis> no, pyro, i actually do weigh a zillion pounds, no lie
*** `Pyro has quit IRC (Quit: tomgavin 0wnz0rz j00!!)

RTF makes a special friend
*** vital (vital@=dpGANd89-AezhrmRuueiulr2-3S4039.saturn.bbn.com) has joined
<vital> anyone know where i can get some site passwords that actually werk
<Starie> eww
<RTFirefly> I'd give you my password, only I'm using it.
<vital> what kinda password you talking about
<RTFirefly> THe one I use to go online.
<Starie> god stop that shit it's annoying
<RTFirefly> Also there's one I use to get into an underground club near
<RTFirefly> I say "Roy sent me."
<RTFirefly> Then the bouncer kicks my ass.
<Starie> haha
<vital> i need a password to an xxx site so i can spamm
<vital> i use them to get  people to click my banners
<Starie> should i kick him?
<RTFirefly> Ewww, I hate people who do that.
<Starie> me too
<RTFirefly> Banner-spammers sux0r mad c0x0r
*** vital was kicked by Starie (Starie)
*** Starie sets mode: +b *!*@=dpGANd89-AezhrmRuueiulr2-3S4039.saturn.bbn.com

Session Start: Fri Nov 05 00:18:01 1999
Session Ident: vital (vital@=dpGANd89-AezhrmRuueiulr2-3S4039.saturn.bbn.com)
<vital> hi
<RTFirefly> Hiya
<vital> how are you
<RTFirefly> I'm fine, how are you?
<vital> great
<vital> a/s
<vital> dont get scared away
<RTFirefly> Arnold Samuels, the accountant?
<vital> im not a bad person
<vital> if your in the room hackers what do you hack
<RTFirefly> I hack up gobs of phlegm
<vital> heh
<vital> thats cool
<vital> a/s please
<RTFirefly> Anthony Signori, the deli owner?
<vital> what the hell are you talking about
<RTFirefly> A S
<vital> i was only asking you your age and sex
<RTFirefly> Oh.  Ewwww.
<vital> is that a bad thing
<vital> welll i guess ill talk to u l8r
<RTFirefly> That all depends.  Once you have my age and sex, what would you
 do with them?
<vital> but them in my mind to remember how old you are and whether or not
 your a girl of guy
<RTFirefly> Well, you've narrowed it down quite a bit.
<vital> i sence sarcasm
<RTFirefly> I'm sorry, I have a cold
<vital> ok im sorry
<RTFirefly> I'm actually a 17 year old lesbian cheerleader named Tiffany.
<vital> i some how find that hard to beleive
<RTFirefly> Okay, okay, you got me, my name is actually Stephanie.
<vital> ok well thats cool
<vital> maybe you could explain your nickname
<RTFirefly> I could, but I wont.
<RTFirefly> it's more mysterious that way
<vital> ahh i see it either is embarrasing or its somehow special to you and
 your only closest people to you should know what it is especially not
 someone you just met even if you dont know his name
<RTFirefly> Either that or I just choose to be all mysterious and shady.
<vital> close??
<vital> hmmm why mysterious and shady
<vital> i dont know you
<vital> i know nothing about you
<vital> there for you really cant be any more mysterious or shadier than you
 already are
<RTFirefly> Then my work is done here.
<vital> is that your little way of saying your done talking to me??
<RTFirefly> Why, do you want me to stop talking??
<vital> well i wouldnt have said hi to you and started this conversation if
 i didnt want to hear what you have to say
<RTFirefly> And how do I know that?  I dont know you, I don't call you at
 home, I don't have a dorsal fin..
<vital> they say the easiest way to answer your question is simply to ask it
 to your self after switching the arrangment
<vital> need an example??
<RTFirefly> Sure, example me.
<vital> ok if you asked me that question before i would answer i would ask
 myself do i want to talk to him hmm i dont know im pretty im smart im the
 most popular person i know and theres no one cooler than me is he werthy
<vital> then answer the question
<vital> after answering you will know if this conversation should go on
<RTFirefly> If you wish it to, it will.
<RTFirefly> If you build it they will come.
<RTFirefly> If you bring in a competitors coupon, we will honor it.,
<vital> if you believe in it , it has power
<vital> ahhh yes the wal-mart gaurentee nothing better in this world well
 other than 2 beers and 1 scotch
<vital> you pick a subject and ill put my input on it then ill do the same
 and so on and so on etc..
<vital> ok ??
<RTFirefly> Okay... the current situation in New mexico.
<vital> what about the current situation in new mexico you must be spacific
<vital> so i didnt give enough instructions
<RTFirefly> I must be specific?
<vital> yeah you said the situation in new mexico
<vital> well there are lot of situations in new mexico which one??
<RTFirefly> Okay, forget New Mexico.  How about clothes?
<RTFirefly> I like to talk about clothes.  After a fashion.
<vital> ethical
<vital> sometimes
<RTFirefly> And rather an old fashion, at that.
<vital> but i find them sometimes useless
<RTFirefly> They're always useful!!  You can wipe up spills, write notes to
 attach to pigeons' legs, etc..
<vital> yes but as well they cost money
<RTFirefly> Pigeons?  They're free.
<vital> and when you live in the woods you need none cause your on your own
<vital> no clothes
<RTFirefly> Of cours pigeons have no clothes.  Whaddya want, pigeon suits?
<RTFirefly> They'd look silly.
<RTFirefly> But I've blabbed on enough about pigeons.  Now its your turn..
 what do you think of pigeons?
<vital> i think they have only two uses
<vital> shit
<vital> and space
<RTFirefly> I prefer time and space to shit and space.  Or liver and onions.
<vital> aahh i see
<vital> lets talk phicology
<RTFirefly> You see?  Well I wish you'd explain it to me, dammit.
<vital> explain what??
<RTFirefly> I forget.  Maybe you can suggest something.
<RTFirefly> In fact, you do suggest something.
<RTFirefly> To me you suggest a baboon.
<vital> try to explain to me why women never confess to anything
<RTFirefly> I take it women never confess anything to YOU.
<RTFirefly> Maybe you should become a priest.
<RTFirefly> Then people would confess to you.
<vital> actually women confess things to me all the time its to others they
 tend not to
<RTFirefly> So, how long have you been smoking crack?
<vital> 120years tomarrow
<RTFirefly> Not tomorrow, today.
<RTFirefly> Tomorrow's pitching.
<vital> oh yeah i forgot
<vital> so how long have you been on nose candy
<RTFirefly> I don't like candy, it rots yer teef
<vital> true
<RTFirefly> So how many cacti are you sitting on?
<vital> whats your opionon on female masterbation
<vital> not to be a pervert but do you say girls actually do it
<vital> or no its just a bunch of rumors
<vital> ??
<RTFirefly> I think if you were a girl you would wear all the spines off
 your cactus, wouldnt you?
<vital> yes i would
<RTFirefly> If I had a cactus, I'd throw it at you.
<RTFirefly> I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
<vital> and why is that
<RTFirefly> Why ISN'T that?
<vital> well it isnt anything right now  because i dont understand it
<RTFirefly> Do you know that I could make a fortune renting you out as a
 decoy to duck hunters?
<vital> hmmm
<RTFirefly> I'm all itchy.
<vital> ill bet if you were a hamburger you would be a BLT
<RTFirefly> One thing's for sure, if i were a burger, I'd be easier for you
 to comprehend
<vital> well if you were blue i would be yellow and if we mixed we would be
<RTFirefly> Cacti are green.
<vital> yes
<vital> and so are
<vital> marajuana leaves
<RTFirefly> Now I'm convinced you're a total doorknob.
<RTFirefly> How would you respond if i said that i was actually a gay
 construction worker named Hank?
<vital> how would you respond if i said i was a gay priest
<RTFirefly> How would you respond if I said i was a small patch of brown
<vital> how would you respond if i said i was smelly and big cocanuts
 surround me
<RTFirefly> I'd believe you unconditionally.
<RTFirefly> So, enough of all that, wanna netsex?
<RTFirefly> You could, like, touch my thing, and stuff.
<vital> lol
<RTFirefly> I could double-click your banner.
<vital> heh
<vital> so do you think we should talk normal to eachother now or what
<RTFirefly> We could, but only if you touch my prosticles.
<vital> your what
<vital> ??
<RTFirefly> My keyring.
<RTFirefly> Or my playstation.
<vital> what??
<RTFirefly> You know, playstation?  Parappa the Rapper?  Kick punch block??
<vital> umm sure why not
<vital> so what now
<RTFirefly> No, now you cant.  ou suck too much.
<vital> try to talk normal to me please
<RTFirefly> I can't talk normally, I'm british.
<RTFirefly> Or was I canadian?
<vital> do you have many friends
<RTFirefly> Including my collection of singing gerbils, each of whom is
 named Roy?
<vital> how about human freinds
<RTFirefly> What makes you assume I'm human?
<RTFirefly> I could be a donut.
<vital> in the next
<vital> KORN
<RTFirefly> I like eating corn, coz you get to see it again later.
<RTFirefly> Anyways, gimme your email address.
<vital> kcnjames@usa.net
<vital> you got any pics
<vital> hey send one more time please
(I don't remember what I sent him, but I'm sure they were tastless and dumb)
<vital> ha ha
<vital> cute
<vital> !!
<RTFirefly> Those are all me.
<RTFirefly> And with that.. I bid you a fondue.
<vital> ok
Session Close: Fri Nov 05 01:39:29 1999


Your actions are your responsibility. We do not condone or encourage anything described within this text file. Anything that happens because of what you do, is because YOU did it. In short, none of it is our fault if you get locked in prison for four years without trial.





Jaded     el caco


Rufus T. Firefly     nawleed