TessKnows:	 hiya.  up to no good?
 Flux0r6669:	 up to only good 
 Flux0r6669:	 im not doing anything 
 TessKnows:	 how come you are online, thin?  
 TessKnows:	 then 
 Flux0r6669:	 i dont know... im always online 
 TessKnows:	 what did you do to celebrate the 4th?  
 Flux0r6669:	 um, nothing... i did go to ihop and splash kechup all over 
                 the place, the cap was not on very tight 
 TessKnows:	 i hate how the tables are always sticky at ihop 
 Flux0r6669:	 lol 
 Flux0r6669:	 its part of the charm 
 TessKnows:	 and i don't think they clean those thermos coffee pots very 
                 well 
 TessKnows:	 but they have decent blinzes 
 Flux0r6669:	 again, bad coffee... part of the charm 
 TessKnows:	 you find these things charming?  
 Flux0r6669:	 some what 
 TessKnows:	 so, no fireworks? 
 Flux0r6669:	 no... i was hoping i would hear or see gun shots though 
 TessKnows:	 hmmm ... that struck a nerve with me 
 Flux0r6669:	 how so? 
 TessKnows:	 i'm not sure you want to know why 
 TessKnows:	 but i'll tell you if you want 
 Flux0r6669:	 well i guess i want to know 
 TessKnows:	 this afternoon i dropped my son off at camp at saint 
                 michael's abbey up in silverado canyon 
 Flux0r6669:	 umm k? 
 TessKnows:	 i was driving home in the far right lane and i noticed that 
                 cars ahead of me were swerving to avoid something in the road 
 TessKnows:	 as i approached, i saw what looked like a body lying near 
                 the median of the road.  so i pulled over onto the shoulder
                 and took the medical kit out of my trunk and ran across the
                 to where the guy was
 Flux0r6669:	 um are you a nurse? 
 TessKnows:	 no ... it is just one of those stupid kits with bandaids and 
                 stuff.  i am a mortgage banker ... 
 Flux0r6669:	 um go on... 
 TessKnows:	 it was a young hispanic male and i thought what i was seeing 
                 was a hit and run victim -- he was face up with his head
                 against the edge of the median -- i thought maybe he had been
                 hit and thrown a distance and had cracked his skull on the
                 curb part of the median.
 TessKnows:	 there was blood and what i think was brain matter all over.  
                 the rest of his body was laying in the road and people were
                 still swerving to get around him. 
 TessKnows:	 i don't have a cell phone, so i tried to flag someone down, 
                 but nobody would stop.  people were slowing down and gawking
                 out their windows, then just continuing on  finally a biker
                 and his girfriend pulled over -- they had a cell phone and
                 called 911
 TessKnows:      he seemed to have a faint pulse and his chest appeared to be
                 rising and falling very slightly.  the breathing may have
                 been wishful thinking on my part, but there was a faint
                 pulse.
 TessKnows:	 there was just so much blood i didn't know what to do ... it 
                 was leaking slowly out of his head and mouth ... his tee
                 shirt was all pulled up around his chest and wet with blood 
 Flux0r6669:	 ummm 
 TessKnows:	 i don't know cpr and there was so much blood everywhere ... 
                 i did kneel down and talk to him ... i was hoping he was
                 still alive.  i just told him to keep hanging on because help
                 was on the way
 TessKnows:	 it wasn't a hit and run ... the police officer told me he 
                 had been shot twice in the back of the head and there was
                 what appeared to be an exit wound under his chin.  they
                 checked his pockets and they found some live rounds, so i
                 reckon he had a weapon too at one point
 TessKnows:	 apparently he was shot execution style, then whoever did it 
                 just dumped him on the road 
 TessKnows:	 anyway ... that's why your joke about guns hit a nerve with 
                 me 
 Flux0r6669:	 um 
 TessKnows:	 sorry if i grossed you out 
 Flux0r6669:	 thats kind of like, when my best friend killed himself 
 Flux0r6669:	 its was sick 
 TessKnows:	 really? 
 Flux0r6669:	 it was even 
 Flux0r6669:	 yes really 
 TessKnows:	 why did he do it? 
 TessKnows:	 stupid question ... 
 Flux0r6669:	 i dont know... he did not tell me 
 TessKnows:	 and you'll never know, i guess.  did he leave a note? 
 TessKnows:	 was he depressed? 
 TessKnows:	 did you find his body? 
 Flux0r6669:	 he wrote his girlfriends name in his blood then he died, no 
                 his mom found him... 
 TessKnows:	 oh god 
 TessKnows:	 how horrible ... 
 TessKnows:	 i think i should feel more about what happened today -- i 
                 mean, i can't sleep, but i'm not too disturbed about what i
                 saw.
 Flux0r6669:	 not really, worse things have happened in my life then that 
 TessKnows:	 oddly enough, i remained calm throughout the entire thing.  
                 the blood was more fascinating than frightening to me, i
                 think.
 Flux0r6669:	 yeah i understand  
 TessKnows:	 what i did feel was outrage at the people who just drove by 
                 ... jesus, that's so cold.  i wish there was something i
                 could have done.  i wonder if he really was still alive when
                 i pulled over
 TessKnows:	 what has happened in your life that was more horrible than 
                 your best friend taking his own life? 
 TessKnows:	 do you mind my asking? 
 Flux0r6669:	 no i dont mind 
 Flux0r6669:	 my life is an open book to all 
 TessKnows:	 it shouldn't be 
 Flux0r6669:	 my life has been a uphill battle for all involved 
 TessKnows:	 for all?  why is that? 
 Flux0r6669:	 my first love, stabed me in the upper leg 
 TessKnows:	 my word ... how old were you at the time? 
 Flux0r6669:	 i was 13 
 TessKnows:	 had she ever done anything violent before?  
 TessKnows:	 what drove her too it? 
 Flux0r6669:	 she on the other hand was 19 
 Flux0r6669:	 i dont know till this day 
 TessKnows:	 you were involved with a 19 year old at 13??? 
 Flux0r6669:	 i think hshe was a meth user 
 Flux0r6669:	 yes 
 TessKnows:	 i guess that isn't so odd ... i lived with my 20 year old 
                 boyfriend when i was 14 
 TessKnows:	 wow ... 
 TessKnows:	 what was the extent of your injury? 
 Flux0r6669:	 well.. it was not so bad 
 Flux0r6669:	 i lost a bit of movement 
 Flux0r6669:	 but thats all 
 TessKnows:	 may i ask ... what kind of relationship did you have with 
                 her? 
 TessKnows:	 that just seems such a vast age difference for a 13 year old 
                 male 
 Flux0r6669:	 well, i only had sex with her once 
 Flux0r6669:	 maybe thats what drove her to it 
 TessKnows:	 was she trying to kill you? 
 Flux0r6669:	 i think so 
 TessKnows:	 or just hurt you? 
 TessKnows:	 ah 
 TessKnows:	 what happened afterwards? 
 Flux0r6669:	 i kicked her and she ran out... and i called 911 
 TessKnows:	 was she arrested?  were your parents freaked out? 
 Flux0r6669:	 the cops looked for her but did not find it, i dont have 
                 parents to be freaked out 
 Flux0r6669:	 i live with my brother and sisters 
 TessKnows:	 are you an orphan? 
 Flux0r6669:	 kind of... i mean my mom left with her fucking girlfriend... 
                 and my dad is a drunk 
 TessKnows:	 that's very sad 
 Flux0r6669:	 yeah i guess 
 Flux0r6669:	 for someone else 
 Flux0r6669:	 i got over it and moved on 
 TessKnows:	 okay.  i was just trying to empathize a bit ... 
 Flux0r6669:	 i was just saying 
 TessKnows:	 i thought you said (in our last conversation) that you were 
                 still receiving some form of financial support from your
                 parents ... did i misunderstand? 
 Flux0r6669:	 grandparents 
 TessKnows:	 i see 
 Flux0r6669:	 my life is shite, and thats only the half of it 
 TessKnows:	 tell me more, then ... 
 Flux0r6669:	 if you want 
 Flux0r6669:	 well i have a problem with girls now 
 Flux0r6669:	 my new girlfriend is a strange one 
 Flux0r6669:	 and my home life if you can call it that sucks 
 TessKnows:	 strange in what way? 
 TessKnows:	 why? 
 Flux0r6669:	 my brother is an asshole 
 Flux0r6669:	 my girlfriend is all in to strange things i rather not go in 
                 to it 
 TessKnows:	 strange as in dangerous? 
 Flux0r6669:	 yes...  
 Flux0r6669:	 very 
 TessKnows:	 strange as in daring and wild? 
 Flux0r6669:	 it makes me very uneasy 
 TessKnows:	 do you like what she is into, or does it scare you? 
 TessKnows:	 ah 
 TessKnows:	 you don't want to tell me? 
 Flux0r6669:	 i dont talk to anyone about it 
 TessKnows:	 have you talked to her about it? 
 Flux0r6669:	 no never! 
 TessKnows:	 but you say it worries you 
 TessKnows:	 if you are concerned, shouldn't you talk to her? 
 Flux0r6669:	 i might lose he and be alone again 
 Flux0r6669:	 her 
 TessKnows:	 please tell me.  maybe i can offer you some good advice.  
                 maybe not, but i can try 
 TessKnows:	 besides, i am just an imaginary online person, remember? 
 Flux0r6669:	 ok... 
 Flux0r6669:	 i dont know where to start 
 Flux0r6669:	 its really strange 
 TessKnows:	 how long have you known her 
 TessKnows:	 ?  
 Flux0r6669:	 2 years now i guess 
 TessKnows:	 how did you meet? 
 Flux0r6669:	 at a a dance club 
 TessKnows:	 how old is she? 
 Flux0r6669:	 my friend neo dragged me there 
 Flux0r6669:	 24 
 TessKnows:	 okay ... so tell me about it 
 TessKnows:	 what she does that worries you 
 Flux0r6669:	 well... i dont know, um she likes to have me hit her when we 
                 are together, like in bed and stuff 
 Flux0r6669:	 thats just some of what she makes me do 
 TessKnows:	 that is not so unusual 
 TessKnows:	 but it sounds like you are not into that 
 Flux0r6669:	 well, when she makes me cut off her air suply it gets odd 
 TessKnows:	 that can be dangerous 
 Flux0r6669:	 thats what i say 
 TessKnows:	 is that the only way she gets aroused? 
 Flux0r6669:	 she does not want to hear it 
 Flux0r6669:	 no thats not the only way 
 Flux0r6669:	 she loves to have sex in public places 
 Flux0r6669:	 like in bathrooms at the movies 
 TessKnows:	 well ... that's not so unusual either 
 TessKnows:	 doesn't that kind of turn you on too? 
 TessKnows:	 sorry ... just asking 
 Flux0r6669:	 once she gave me head in THE MOVIES! yeah of couse it does, 
                 im 18 im always set for that stuff 
 TessKnows:	 well, that behavior is not really dangerous -- it is sort of 
                 risky and fun 
 TessKnows:	 but the other thing ... 
 Flux0r6669:	 thats not the bad stuff  
 TessKnows:	 that worries me 
 TessKnows:	 back to the asphixiation thing ... does she have you use 
                 your hands or a ligature? 
 Flux0r6669:	 one night at a party she took off and i had no clue where 
                 she went 
 Flux0r6669:	 when i found her she was in the bathroom... cutting her 
                 inner legs with a bunch of people watching 
 TessKnows:	 she really does enjoy pain, then ... it isn't just a role 
                 play game for her 
 Flux0r6669:	 not at all 
 TessKnows:	 what did you think when you saw her doing that? 
 TessKnows:	 did you make her stop? 
 Flux0r6669:	 hell yah i did 
 Flux0r6669:	 we left the party right away 
 TessKnows:	 what was her reaction? 
 Flux0r6669:	 we never talked about it 
 Flux0r6669:	 you still there?? 
 Flux0r6669:	 did i freak you out? 
 TessKnows:	 no 
 Flux0r6669:	 ok good 
 Flux0r6669:	 do you want me to stop? 
 TessKnows:	 no 
 Flux0r6669:	 ok, well she really likes blood... she cuts her self when we 
                 have sex, some times she cuts me too 
 TessKnows:	 do you enjoy that? 
 Flux0r6669:	 and she makes us keep the tv on the food network the whole 
                 time, she likes the big knifes i guess... no i hate when she
                 does it
 TessKnows:	 on a certain level, do you like playing out her fantasy? 
 TessKnows:	 the food network?  
 Flux0r6669:	 maybe, i just want to make her happy  
 TessKnows:	 reb0rn ... are you pullling my leg? 
 Flux0r6669:	 yeah and QVC when they are selling knifes 
 Flux0r6669:	 no not at all 
 Flux0r6669:	 i told you i have a messed up life 
 Flux0r6669:	 you said you wanted to hear it 
 TessKnows:	 yes i did 
 TessKnows:	 i'm sorry ... please continue 
 TessKnows:	 some of the stuff you described is perfectly fine and normal 
                 ... but she has crossed the line.  eventually, she is going
                 to get seriously hurt.  if you are a participant you may be
                 the one doing the hurting.  also, she may hurt you.  do you
                 not value your life?
 Flux0r6669:	 well its just stuff like that... i mean she really likes 
                 blood... thats why i said i understod your fascination with
                 the blood
 Flux0r6669:	 no my life is dumb 
 TessKnows:	 i see 
 Flux0r6669:	 but i guess i dont want to die 
 TessKnows:	 do you consider yourself a survivor? 
 Flux0r6669:	 i guess i have to, i mean i lived through a lot 
 TessKnows:	 that is what i consider myself, although from what you have 
                 told me, it sounds like you have had it rougher than me 
 TessKnows:	 have your relationships with women always been this 
                 tumultuous? 
 Flux0r6669:	 no 
 Flux0r6669:	 i had a really nice grirlfriend 
 Flux0r6669:	 we talked about having kids and making a family and all that 
                 good stuff 
 Flux0r6669:	 god i have never talked about her with anyone 
 Flux0r6669:	 i wish she was still here 
 TessKnows:	 what happened? 
 Flux0r6669:	 i miss her so much 
 Flux0r6669:	 she was killed in a car crash with her firends 
 Flux0r6669:	 the driver was drunk 
 Flux0r6669:	 and they hit a tree 
 TessKnows:	 awful 
 Flux0r6669:	 yeah... out of everything in my life... i wish it had been 
                 me 
 Flux0r6669:	 and she was still here 
 TessKnows:	 you have suffered a great deal of loss 
 TessKnows:	 if your current girlfriend frightens you with her behavior, 
                 why do you stay with her?  
 Flux0r6669:	 who else would be with me? im messed up...  
 TessKnows:	 it doesn't sound like she wants to be helped ... 
 TessKnows:	 everybody is messed up and broken inside 
 TessKnows:	 some a little more than others 
 TessKnows:	 some just hide it better 
 Flux0r6669:	 you know what the worst thing about my girlfriend is.... she 
                 calls me daddy, that is just so wrong 
 TessKnows:	 yes, it is wrong 
 TessKnows:	 it sounds like she was abused as a child 
 Flux0r6669:	 i think she was 
 Flux0r6669:	 she has never said anything tho 
 TessKnows:	 i see this whole thing coming to a rather disasterous ending 
                 at some point ... 
 Flux0r6669:	 yeah... thats the way things work out with me 
 TessKnows:	 do you want her to get help?  can you convince her to?   
 Flux0r6669:	 i dont think me bring that up would help 
 Flux0r6669:	 i need to go.... 
 TessKnows:	 okay, i ned to get to bed too 
 TessKnows:	 need 
 TessKnows:	 take care, reb0rn